Bmw Jokes

What are mixed feelings? Watching your mother-in-law backing up towards the edge of a cliff in your new BMW.

What does BMW stand for? Black man working

What is the difference between a BMW and a cow? A cow's cunt is on the outside.

I was sitting in traffic the other day, which was probably why I got run over. Signs That the Car You Just Bought is an Old Wreck As you leave the used car lot, you see the previous owner rush out and high-five the salesman. You notice that the free car phone they threw in as part of the deal has a local breakdown company on speed dial. The coat hanger that serves as a radio aerial is described by the salesman as a "feature". You would take your car into the garage for repairs but it can't get u…

A man returned to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage to the front end of the car. There was no sign of the offending vehicle, but he was relieved to see that there was a note stuck under the windshield wiper. The note read: "Sorry I just backed into your car. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

A tramp went up to an expensive looking house and knocked gently on the front door. The rich owner answered and the tramp asked if he could supply him with some food. The wealthy man said, “I didn't become rich by giving stuff away for free but I tell you what - if you go out the back and paint my porch, in return you will receive a fine meal.” After about twenty minutes, the tramp returns and knocks at the front door and the owner says, “Wow! Finished already. That was quick. Take a seat and my…

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined. "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!", retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!" "Oh no!", replied the law…

A young blonde female stock broker was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps a MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with it's gorgeous red paint job. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new …