Bmw Jokes

What never needs maintenance on a BMW? The turn signal lightbulb

A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought, "I'm too old for this nonsense !" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off f…

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure". The yuppie parked hi…

An old Fiat breaks down on a remote road The driver discovers he has no service and can't call for help. Just as he starts walking, a shiny new BMW stops next to him. "Hey man, having car trouble?" The driver asks. "I'm afraid so." The driver of the Fiat answers. "Tell you what, my car is strong enough, I'll tow you to the nearest garage!" Says the BMW driver. The Fiat driver is overjoyed at this, and together they couple the little hatchback to the BMW using a rope. As the BMW driver gets in, …

Scottish blood An Arab Sheik was admitted to the hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world. Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a BMW, a diamon…

A young stock broker had just parked his BMW As he opened the door

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? One has its pricks on the outside.

What’s the opposite of a cactus? A BMW

What is the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

I think I can read minds because I always know a BMW is changing lanes before they use their blinker

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new BMW in front of his office... ... ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out

Cowboy in Montana A Montana cowboy was watching his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

A lawyer is parking his BMW... A lawyer is parking his BMW outside a store in Manhattan

What's the difference between a BMW and a cactus? With a cactus

A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? On a porcupine

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Porcupines have pricks on the outside.

Super fast Nano A tata nano breaks down on a roadside. A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.

My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today and I couldn’t help but admire it. “Nice car

When I was a kid my dad left without any indication All I remember of him was that he drove a BMW

On a golf tour in Ireland Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The villagers stare at the BMW as they have never seen one before !

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes

You think YOU have a meaningless job? Think about the guy who makes turn signals at the BMW factory.

If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?

A lawyer is sitting in his parked BMW when a tow truck crashes into the car. The crash takes car door clean off and the driver speeds away.