Walmart Jokes

Went to WalMart today and still had all my kids when I got home. Next week, I'll try harder.

Just checked my Farmville for the first time in a year. It's now a Walmart.

To the woman with the screaming kids in Walmart: If you're wondering how the condoms got in your cart....You're welcome

Walking into WalMart with my kids, "Remember, kids - use your Target voices."

Hell is full of ugly babies, tinkerbell tshirts and fat women debating the tastiness of frozen meals.....oh wait. This is just walmart

I'm fat, but not accidentally give birth in the Walmart bathroom because I didn't know I was pregnant, fat.

Bought $200 sunglasses. Lost them in 15 minutes. Bought Walmart sunglasses. Had them for 238 years.

I pledged to pick up 10 pieces of trash on Tuesday. So, I'm going to Walmart to see if anyone needs a ride. *adds humanitarian to resume

Culturally speaking... Having a McDonald's in a WalMart is like finding a cyst in a tumour.

Just left WalMart. All the cute well behaved kids must be at Target.

It's cool to jump out of bed and realize you are already dressed to run to Walmart

Michael Jackson breaks into WALMART. He only steals lotion. Turning to the security camera he whispers "smooth criminal" and moonwalks away

Walmart has an alarming amount of security camera video with me humping stuff with a swimming pool noodle.

You and your happiness can go straight to Walmart. Or whereever your "hell" is.

Scavenger hunt! Find a parent in Walmart who isn't scowling or being verbally and physically abusive to their children.

There are 1000 shopping carts inside this Walmart, yet I always pick the one with the wheel that makes everyone look like a meth addict.

My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD Bin at Walmart....

Today I pissed my pants in Walmart and they offered me a job.

My wife just told me to go to hell, anyone else need anything from Walmart?

Holy shit, FREE BANANAS at Walmart if you walk around eating them while you shop!

I wore a suit to Walmart and they made me their king.

Something people in Walmart have? Colds. Something people in Walmart are missing? Ankles.

It is NOT acceptable to lift up the back of a woman's shirt to look at her lower back tattoo, even if you're at Walmart... I know that now

Egypt. Palin. Walmart. Facebook. KE$HA. Bieber. Typos. Snow. Zombies. Superpowers. FFs. Your mom. Boom, I just won Twitter.

Walmart has strategically placed the cold sore meds in the mistletoe aisle.