Walmart Jokes

I don't usually spank the kids while we're in Walmart but yours were just asking for it.

How to pick up a woman at Walmart. Very slowly and team lift with your legs.

If you can't handle me getting arrested in my pajama pants at Walmart than you don't deserve me buying produce in my yoga pants at Target.

When I'm having a shitty day sometimes I go to WalMart and just smile and show off my teeth.

Kmart always smells like if Walmart was found dead in its apartment after three days.

Man outside walmart is asking for donations for the drug and alcohol outreach program You mean there's people who don't have access to them?

Attention Walmart Shoppers - There is someone dressed Appropriately in Aisle 12

This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.

. No Shoes No Shirt No Problem Welcome To Walmart.

Just got kicked out of Walmart for having a concealed belly button.

My mom got one of the bracelets that help you with balance, so I pushed her into the shelf at walmart. It doesn't work.

Hey, people "liking" Walmart on Facebook - you OK?

too poor for whole foods too ugly for walmart

Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working! *eye twitches

Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.

"I wasn't that drunk..." "Dude, you were driving your truck around the Walmart parking lot trying to find your truck."

I swear if I see one more person enter this WalMart wearing pajamas I am going to take the belt off my bathrobe and choke them with it

Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.

Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that's how I feel today.

I saw my friend's kids at Walmart and they told me they were lost and I was like "good luck guys" and walked away. I'd be a great mother.

Who wants to go to walmart and show off our teeth?

*At the Carnival* Me: How much for the petting zoo? Person: What? *Drunk at Walmart by the dressing rooms*

My kid just told me all she wants for Christmas is a bell so she can "make lots of money like the man outside walmart."

[February 12] Henry VIII: jeez walmart is out of cards, flowers and chocolate. She's going to kill me! Unless... [February 13] beheads wife

Wore my hair in a ponytail to Walmart and 4 people asked me to defend them in Drug Possession Cases. Court starts Monday.