Walmart Jokes

And Indian guy goes to walmart An Indian goes to Walmart in the U.S. He finds cat food at special prices.He picks a dozen cans of cat food & goes to check out. The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy might not have a cat & will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. The Indian goes home & returns with a cat & gets to buy the cat food. Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices.He picks a dozen …

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS My buddy from Atlanta Georgia swears this works. Go to Home Depot or Walmart and buy a can of black spray paint. Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick. The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds. Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of paint on the ants as well. Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start k…

Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of dog food from Walmart... I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had – an elephant? Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of …

Scammers in the Walmart parking lot Be careful out there people! There are these scammers over at the Walmart parking lot. Two beautiful young thinly dressed ladies in their twenties come up to single men and ask for help. They lead him back to their car which turns out to be a van. They entice him inside and one of the girls takes off her top and starts dancing and groping the man and while he is distracted the other girl steals his wallet. I fell for this scam on Wednesday, Thursday, aga…

Walmart paying the minimum wage is like Leonardo DiCaprio choosing a girlfriend. They'd both go lower if it was legal.

A hillbilly walks into a Walmart looking for a new blanket. Store clerk: "How can I help you sir?" Hillbilly: "I needs me a new blanket for ma bed cos all ma ova ones make me itch" Store Clerk: "Duvet?" Hillbilly: "Yah, vey sure do."

I got an email from Walmart. It said: "We sell pork and ham in a can." I thought to myself "That's just spam."

I stopped at the bar after work the other day... ...and there were three doctors at a table slamming drinks. They were bragging about their best surgeries ever. The first doctor said listen up. "One time a guy came in who was in a terrible wood cutting accident. The guy lost his right arm, but I sewed him up in 3 hours. Now he's is a major league pitcher." The second doctor said, "One time I was working in the ER and this dude came in who lost his leg in a farming accident. I sewed him u…

Why was the bodybuilder banned from Walmart? Shoplifting.

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Walmart when they collide... The first old guy says to the second guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.' The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.' The first old guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?' ' The second old guy says, 'Well, she is 27 y…

Did you know that if you mix diet coke, bicarb soda, table salt and bleach together in a mop bucket.... You get yelled at by the manager of Walmart

Saw my doctor today and showed him the bleeding coming out of my ass. He completely ignored me, and carried on pushing his shopping basket in Walmart

My wife came home from Walmart complaining about the cashier being a royal bitch. I asked her if she was at the self checkout and that Mr Officer is how I got the black eye

The rash on Frank's bum Frank: I showed my doctor a rash on my bum yesterday, and he was all embarrassed and uncomfortable. Bill: That's very unprofessional, what did he say? Frank: He told me to make an appointment like everyone else, and said he was never going to shop in Walmart again.

I got kicked out of the Walmart break room They asked me what I was doing there. I said "I'm on break what do you think?" They said "But you don't work here" I told them "I just went through the self check out clearly I do"

*The parking tickets* I went to Walmart today, and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a **handicap spot**. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the cou…

I went to Walmart today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly. H…

There are no Walmart stores in Syria Only Targets.

Walmart Interview A manager at walmart was interviewing 4 candidates in a group interview. He asked the 4 candidates ""What the fastest thing you know of?"

To the lady with all the screaming kids at Walmart who's wondering how the box of condoms got into her cart... You're welcome

There was a kindly old Walmart greeter... ...and everyday he was cheerful

My good deed for the day In the line at Walmart there was a little old lady in front of me

How is Kevin Spacey like Walmart? They both have boys pants half off.

A woman walks into Walmart She's dragging her two children behind her and turns to yell at them

A Big Muscular Guy Walks Into Walmart A big muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter at Walmart and asks