Home Depot Jokes

You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.

My fake mustache fell off in Home Depot and now they won't let me touch any of the power tools.

"Keep pumping until something happens." -Home Depot guy teaching me to prime the snow blower says the first thing I've understood.

If I can't stand on a counter top display at Home Depot and shit in the sink then we are truly living in a fascist society.

Home Depot is having their "ultimate tool event" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler.

birds can make their homes in tall treetops and soar at great heights and pigeons are like no thank you i will commute by foot to home depot

Hit the showers. Smack a sink. Verbally assault a bathtub. Make everyone at Home Depot uncomfortable.

just said "Deep Homo" by accident instead of "Home Depot" & am tryingnto laugh it off oops they're watching me tweet now gotta go

Told my husband the best way to get help at Home Depot is to wear yoga pants, but I dunno. It doesn't seem to work as well for him.

I didnt know how to tell this guy at Home Depot his fly was down... and he didnt know how to say thanks when I tried to help him zip it up.

They're playing Earth, Wind and Fire. I was not prepared to party this hard at Home Depot.

If you stare in a mirror long enough and start screaming, you'll see angry faces of figures dressed in orange. *only works at Home Depot

[home depot] employee[yelling]: YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN HERE me: [yelling over the sound of revving chainsaw]: WHAT

If you're smoking weed on the way to Home Depot I can predict your future, in 2 hrs you're going back to Home Depot.

I bet Thor would lose his shit if he knew how many hammers are at Home Depot.

Thanks to me, you'll probably start seeing 'For Display Only' signs on the toilets at Home Depot.

Based on the amount of tools I've dated, you'd think I got a deal at The Home Depot

If you're a white guy and walk into Home Depot without wearing sunglasses on top of your head, they legally don't have to sell you anything.

i've dated so many tools i could open a home depot

*walking into Home Depot for 2nd time today* Back again? Forget something? -Um, you remember if I brought a kid in here with me last time?

[Home Depot] "Hi, my wife asked me to pick up some small finishing nails" Clerk: Oh, with a little head? "Nah, just verbally"

*First Date Her: Why are we at Home Depot? Me: I wanted to see what it's like to pick out bathroom tile with you. See if this is worth it.

Her: i'm in the mood Me: me too Her: wanna do it Me: oh yeah baby [we drive to Home Depot to look at paint]

Relationship status: Sitting in Home Depot parking lot, car hood open, and asking men if they can jump me.

When I'm bored I like to call in sick to places I don't work for. I'm getting written up at Home Depot