You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.

My fake mustache fell off in Home Depot and now they won't let me touch any of the power tools.

"Keep pumping until something happens." -Home Depot guy teaching me to prime the snow blower says the first thing I've understood.

Home Depot is having their "ultimate tool event" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler.