Walmart Jokes

I like my women like my shoes... Black, size thirteen and I pick them up at Walmart.

How to make the world a better place. How do you raise the literacy rate while simultaneously lowering the poverty ratio of a town near you? All you have to do is drive as fast as possible through the Walmart parking lot.

Walmart needs a new worker in an important position... So they're looking for the smartest person they can find. After months of elimination, they've come up with 4 people. So, they decide that they will ask a question and the person who comes up with the best answer will get the job. They call up the first person and ask him: ""What is the fastest thing in the world?"" After a few minutes of thought, the man says, ""The fastest thing in the world is a blink. Without doing anything, you just bli…

Blond who wanted to ride horses. A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gall…

Quest I went on a vision quest. I still ended up at Walmart.

Jesus saves! Because he shops at Walmart

So I saw Cuba Gooding Jr. at my local Walmart He was comparing Old Spice Sport to Old Spice Original Scent when I slapped those bottles out of his hand and told him, ""No soap, Radio.""

So if I get the job at Walmart,,, do I pull my own teeth out,, or does it happen during orientation ?

Occasionally, I like to go to Walmart, buy a jar of Vaseline, a cucumber and a Bottle of Gin and wink at the cashier

""It's the little things in life that make you laugh,"" my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.

Ahhhh,,, At last, my wife has found something her butt does not look big in............... Walmart

I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.

I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend until the acid wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Walmart parking lot.

I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.

Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.

My dad use to take me to the circus to see the tattooed man and the bearded lady. Now, I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.

My son told me all females have nice butts in yoga pants, so I took him to Walmart so he could see the error of his thoughts.

A man in Phoenix accidentally shot himself in the leg while in line at Walmart on Saturday. Or, as they call that in Arizona, ""taking a selfie.""

You can't make me believe there's a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.

Did you see the guy at Walmart hiding from ugly people?

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly imperviou…

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. ""Walmart!"" the rabbi exclaimed. ""Why Wal-Mart?"" ""Then I'll be sure my daughter will visit me twice a week.""

A blonde was shopping at Walmart and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, ""Why, that's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."" ""Wow,"" said the blonde, ""that's amazing... I'm going to buy it!"" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss, who is also blonde, saw it on her desk. ""What's that?"" she asked. ""Why, that's a thermos. I…

your mama so fat she was going to walmart tripped over kmart and landed right on target!!!

Have you seen the midget outside Walmart, that hides from gay people? Of course you haven't.