Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of dog food from Walmart... I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had – an elephant? Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of …

Why was the bodybuilder banned from Walmart? Shoplifting.

The rash on Frank's bum Frank: I showed my doctor a rash on my bum yesterday, and he was all embarrassed and uncomfortable. Bill: That's very unprofessional, what did he say? Frank: He told me to make an appointment like everyone else, and said he was never going to shop in Walmart again.

How is Kevin Spacey like Walmart? They both have boys pants half off.