Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of dog food from Walmart... I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had – an elephant? Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of …

Did you hear the one about the old man at the doctor? Man: I can't pee, doc! Doctor: How old are you? Man: I'm 90 years old. Doctor: Oh, you've peed enough! Heard this one in a bathroom at Walmart.

Poor Cat So where i live we have a neighborhood cat. His name is Jimmy. One Sunday morning my dad was mowing the lawn and was in a pretty angry mood due to my mom's crazy chore list. So as he was cutting the lawn near the bushes he hears a loud MEEEOOOOWW. I myself was shooting hoops in my driveway when i heard Jimmy yelp. I ran over to find my dad holding the tailless cat. I ran inside to grab a towel and off we go to the closet vet's. But it being Sunday morning they were closed. Off we go spe…

An 90-year-old man goes to the doctor... After the examination, the doctor says ""For a man of 90, you're in remarkable shape. How old was your father when he died?"" The old man looks offended. ""I never said my father was dead. He's 115."" The doctor is shocked by this. ""A hundred and fifteen?"" he gasps. ""That's amazing!"" The old man smiles. ""He still lives on his own, walks around his neighborhood every day, volunteers at the Veterans Hall and has a part-time job as a greeter at Walmart.…