I pledged to pick up 10 pieces of trash on Tuesday. So, I'm going to Walmart to see if anyone needs a ride. *adds humanitarian to resume

My boss at Walmart said I have to stop Febreezing the homeless and that they aren't homeless, they're customers.

*walks into Walmart wearing pants* Walmart employee: Shit, corporate's here

A man buys some cologne before a job interview... A man quickly headed to Walmart before a job interview looking to buy some cologne. Not knowing which one to buy, he asked the employee which fragrances were purchased the most by other customers. The employee directed him to five standard fragrances, all of which the man then bought. However, not knowing which one in particular to put on, he doused himself with a mixture of all five. His job interview later resulted in him getting hired, despite…