The Walmart app just updated on my phone and now water autocorrects to soda and exercise autocorrects to Doritos and beer.

If there is not a open bar and a goddamn delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.

"I wasn't that drunk..." "Dude, you were driving your truck around the Walmart parking lot trying to find your truck."

*At the Carnival* Me: How much for the petting zoo? Person: What? *Drunk at Walmart by the dressing rooms*