Egypt Jokes

Egypt. Palin. Walmart. Facebook. KE$HA. Bieber. Typos. Snow. Zombies. Superpowers. FFs. Your mom. Boom, I just won Twitter.

doctors before an x-ray be like "dont worry this is perfectly safe" and then the dude goes to egypt to press a button

Hey Egypt: Try unplugging your modem for 30 seconds then plugging it back in. Trust me.

Egypt needs a new president. I need a summer job. This could be perfect.

Have Egyptians tried unplugging and plugging Egypt?

It must've been so fun to live in ancient Egypt because everything you wrote was an emoji

Considering our obsessions with cats and emojis, the internet really is the new ancient Egypt.

When Egypt had no internet, it was called Gypt.

Him: Can you believe what's going on in Egypt? Me: Yeah...it's crazy...I gotta go. Bye. Me: *googles what's happening in Egypt?*

Egypt is one of those rare countries whose "good old days" were in 2,000 B.C.

Kim and Kanye are now planning to have their wedding in Egypt. See Egyptians, things could always be worse.

[Ancient Egypt job centre] - Name? "Ankhesenamun" - How do you spell that? "Reed comb water Ankh, bendy straw water shitting priest"

A man sets off for adventure in Egypt to search for an an ancient tomb. After many long weeks of endless searching in the desert, the man finally found the ancient Pharaoh's tomb he had for so long been seeking. He descended. Down, down through the chambers he went, marching tirelessly in exciting anticipation of his groundbreaking archaeological discovery. There was nothing that could deter him now! Well, maybe one thing: He remembered hearing a story while in town about the ghost that supposed…

Three explorers are in Egypt (long) and they stumble upon some old ruins. In the ruins they find a big room, with three doors. The first explorer, Henry, goes up to the door and reads: ""Who ever enters this door will die a fiery death."" He doesn't believe in superstitions, so he goes through the door to find a long hallway. At the end of the hallway, another door. Behind that door is a room full of treasure, so he takes as much as he can carry and leaves. He enters the hallway and walks about …

Twin brothers were separated at birth. One twin was adopted by a family in Egypt, whose adoptive mother named Ahmal. The other was adopted by a Spanish family who called him Juan. One day, the Spanish mother wrote to the Egyptian mother, asking for pictures of her son's long lost twin brother. The Egyptian woman responded, ""But they're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.""

An American biker decides to travel the world... Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day. One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Harley, and set out to explore the globe. For the next few weeks, Rick spent his days riding to and through some of the most popular European cities like Paris, …

Man! Did anyone else see the result of the Egypt vs Ethopia soccer game? Egypt: 8. Ethopia: Didn't.

A guy who doesn't believe in global warming is swimming in Egypt... He's in de-nile

A women has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named Amal. The other one goes to a family in Spain, and is named Juan. Years later, Juan send a picture of himself to his biological mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ""But honey, they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.""

What did the school in Egypt finally get? A new bus.

A man goes to Egypt. A man takes a trip to Egypt and wants to rent a car. He goes to the dealer and asks them what cars they have. The dealer says ""Oh, we ran out of cars, but we do have camels."" ""A camel?"" the man asks. ""Why would I take a camel?"" ""Well,"" the car renter explains ""they're as fast as a car, cheaper to maintain, and they're trained very well. You just say 'Woah' to make it move forward and 'Aishee' to make it stop."" ""Alright, I'll try a camel."" The man is riding the ca…

A Jamaican is sightseeing in Egypt. A vehicle drives by, beeping its horn. ""Coo yah!"" he says. ""It's tootin' car, mon!""

I injured my back in Egypt... and had to see a Cairo-practor

Three brothers longed for wealth and fame So they put together an expedition to track down the lost treasures of Egypt. They weren't particularly successful, but they stumbled on the a tomb and decided to check it out, even though it wasn't on their list. Inside, there were three passageways with an inscription above each one. ""He who enters shall die a watery death"" read the first. ""He who enters shall die a fiery death"" read the second. ""He who enters shall die a mysterious death"" read t…

Archaeologists have discovered a mummy in Egypt encased in chocolate and surrounded by hazelnuts They are calling it ""The Pharaoh Rocher""