Cal Jokes

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Three explorers are in Egypt (long) and they stumble upon some old ruins. In the ruins they find a big room, with three doors. The first explorer, Henry, goes up to the door and reads: ""Who ever enters this door will die a fiery death."" He doesn't believe in superstitions, so he goes through the door to find a long hallway. At the end of the hallway, another door. Behind that door is a room full of treasure, so he takes as much as he can carry and leaves. He enters the hallway and walks about …

You know why Communist Jokes are funny? Because they are Commie-cal.

Danny Scream Daniel Irwin was a private in my division, but none of us called him that. Everyone called him Danny Scream, because the night before our division would move out, he would scream bloody murder in his bunk. Got chewed out quite a few times for it. Anyways, our convoy was in a valley south of Kabul when this huge force of jihadists came over the ridge and descended on us. Danny was on the 50 cal a few Humvees back. I owe my life to him, because he took out so many of them. I remember,…

A hero named ""Super Cal"" suffers from a slight weakness that curses his own body. However, he does have a certain strength. It's, unfortunately, his bad breath that makes him fairly unattractive. So, basically...""Super Cal is fragile-ish except for Halitosis""

What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat? Claude

A woman gets pulled over for speeding... A cop comes up to her car and asks for her license and registration. She opens up the glove compartment to get them out, when the cop notices the Smith & Wesson 32 cal. in the glove compartment. He says, ""Um, ma'am, I hope you don't mind but I'd feel more comfortable if you handed over that revolver until we're done here."" She's like ""Sure, no problem."" And she unloads it and hands it over. The cop is about to continue with his duties, looking ove…

A woman was seated next to President Coolidge (aka ""silent Cal"") at a dinner party. ""I bet my friend that I would be able to get more than two words out of you tonight,"" she said. ""You lose,"" he replied.

What would you do?? You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you... You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN: Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the …

Irish wake-up call A family from the States are on holiday in Ireland, and arrive at their hotel in the middle of the night . The father of the family asks the man at reception for a wake up cal for 8am for their tour of the town the following morning and heads straight to bed. The phone in their room rings and is answered by the father. ""Hello, yess, who is this?"" ""Ahh hello der sir, 'tis the reception, dat wake-up call, 'twas it for 6am or 7am?"" ""What? NO!, Damn it what time is it now?"" …

There's this kid named Cal... So there's this kid named Cal, and he's a bit of a thug. He often breaks into people's homes just for fun. One thing he loves to do in people's homes is to absolutely destroy their washing machines. He will destroy them untill they are broken so far they are completely beyond use. Until they are totally dead. Recently Cal passed away in his sleep, which is sad news, but now.... Washing machines live longer with cal gone!

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other Ilene. What do you cal an Asian woman with one leg shorter than the other? Irene

What do you cal a bear with extreme mood swings? A bi-polar bear.

REVISED HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM FOR SO. CAL. NAME______________________________ GANG NAME_________________________ 1) Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold? 2) Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus' $800 per day crack habit? 3) Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make…

So an American walks into a store in the Midwest and says I'd like to buy that .50 cal sniper riffle with 4

How did So-Cal celebrate the double anniversary of the LA Riots and Cinco de Mayo? Rodney King Pinatas

If bird-watching is called bird-watching, what do you cal cow-watching? A steak out.

What do you cal a campsite trampled by thousands of tiny insects? A gnatural disaster.