"Hot, lo-cal singles in your area!" - Diet ads for Cannibals

Three explorers are in Egypt (long) and they stumble upon some old ruins. In the ruins they find a big room, with three doors. The first explorer, Henry, goes up to the door and reads: ""Who ever enters this door will die a fiery death."" He doesn't believe in superstitions, so he goes through the door to find a long hallway. At the end of the hallway, another door. Behind that door is a room full of treasure, so he takes as much as he can carry and leaves. He enters the hallway and walks about …

You know why Communist Jokes are funny? Because they are Commie-cal.

Danny Scream Daniel Irwin was a private in my division, but none of us called him that. Everyone called him Danny Scream, because the night before our division would move out, he would scream bloody murder in his bunk. Got chewed out quite a few times for it. Anyways, our convoy was in a valley south of Kabul when this huge force of jihadists came over the ridge and descended on us. Danny was on the 50 cal a few Humvees back. I owe my life to him, because he took out so many of them. I remember,…