Miami Jokes

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs... ...and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun, when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his. ""Oscar, what happened to you?"" asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering. ""I got a ride down here in some guy's mustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my wings off,"" whee…

Jokes. What is a black cat's favorite TV show? Miami mice!

Funny Spanish joke with english explanation My mom told me this one. Un pinareno va al blockbuster a rentar una pelicula. Asere estoy buscando una pelicula que me dijeron que es buenisima y se llama Tu Culo es un Parque clerk: que?! Como se llama? Guy: Tu Culo es un parque! No la conoces? Me dicen que es buenisima y famosa. Clerk: estas seguro que se llama tu Culo es un parque? Guy: Si! Me la dijeron en ingles ""Jur-ass-is-park"" tu Culo es un parque! EXPLANATION A Pinareno is basically the Cuba…

A cop sees a boy in Miami walking down the street alone... So the cop asks him where he is going. The little boy tells the cop that he is running away because his parents have split up. The cop says, ""Come on, get in my car and I'll take you home to your mom."" The little boy cries out, ""Oh no, please don't! My mom beats me!"" The cop then says, ""Alright, I'll take you to your dad then. Once again, the little boy refuses, ""No, my dad beats me too!"" The cop is at a loss of what to do so he a…

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced, 'One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry, we have three engines left.' Thirty minutes later, the Captain announced, 'One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry, we have two engines left.' An hour later the Captain announced, 'One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't wor…

On a flight to Florida I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back picked up a magazine and said ""If th…

What squeaks as it solves crimes ? Miami mice !

Three men: an editor a photographer and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says ""Normally I would grant you three wishes but since there are three of you I will grant you each one wish."" The photographer went first. ""I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worri…

Three men: an editor a photographer and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says ""Normally I would grant you three wishes but since there are three of you I will grant you each one wish."" The photographer went first. ""I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worrie…

A Tale of Two Fleas A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun, when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his. “Oscar, what happened to you?” asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering. “I got a ride down here in some guy’s mustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my win…

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'. . . and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and convey…

Two Fleas on Vacation (nsfw) Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year, when one flea gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking. The other flea asked him, "Why are shaking so badly?" The first flea says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Harley." The other flea says, "That's the worst way to travel. Do what I do. Go to the New Jersey airport bar. Have a few drinks. While there, look for a nice stewardess, crawl up her …

So Al Sharpton Came To A Church.... When I heard Al Sharpton was guest preacher at a black Miami Church, I decided to check him out in person and see what it was all about. I sat down and Sharpton came up to me - I don’t know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the Church. He laid his hands on my hand and said: “By the will of Jesus the Lord All Mighty, and the will of God, you will walk today." I told him I was not paralyzed. He came back and laid his hands on me again, a…

Two Jews at Miami Beach Two Jewish men from New York pass each other walking down Miami beach. They see each other walking every now and then over a couple months and eventually introduce themselves and walk together. After walking for awhile the first said to the second how did you end up here in Miami. The second man told him that he owned a garment factory until there was a fire that burnt it to the ground and because he was older he decided to just keep the insurance money and retire. When …

A blond woman gets on a plane... She sits down in the first class. A steward, - who has seen her ticket at the entrance - approaches her very politely and ask if he could see her ticket once more. The woman hands it to him. The steward sees that it is for the Economy class and says nicely: - Madam, your ticket is not for the first class, but for the Economy. Would you please proceed to the back? The woman stands up and says quite loudly: - I am blond, I am going on holiday to Miami and I will …

An unemployed guy sees an ad in the paper that says "Photographer wanted for Miami-based luxury bikini line". Thinking it to be a joke, the guy calls the number in the ad. "Hello," he says. "Is that photographer ad a joke?" "No," says the voice on the other line. "One of our photographers died suddenly last week, and we're looking for a new one." "Cool! I've been looking for a new job for a while, and this seems like it could be a very fine job for me." "Great! Are you married? Our models te…

Judge Makes Decision In Child Abuse Case Miami

A man is in an airplane from Miami to Paris And a stunning gorgeous woman seats by his side. He's the eager to start a conversation.

A blonde boards a plane to Miami... A blonde boards a plane to Miami and takes a seat in first class even though she has an economy ticket. A flight attendant tells her several times to move to economy class

Two Jews at Miami Beach Two Jewish men from New York pass each other walking down Miami beach. They see each other walking every now and then over a couple months and eventually introduce themselves and walk together. After walking for awhile the first said to the second how did you end up here in Miami. The second man told him that he owned a garment factory until there was a fire that burnt it to the ground and because he was older he decided to just keep the insurance money and retire. When …

So Al Sharpton Came To A Church.... When I heard Al Sharpton was guest preacher at a black Miami Church

Two Fleas on Vacation (nsfw) Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year

Getting on a plane . . . . . . I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to LA, and send one to Miami." She told me, "We can't do that!" I told her, "Well you did it last week!" - Henny Youngman

Do you want to know a good Jewish wine?,"Ma when are we going to Miami?

Do you want to know a good Jewish wine? Ma, when are we going to Miami?