Switzerland Jokes

My wife wants the living room walls to be something neutral. I'm painting Switzerland.

I'm basically Switzerland. I'm cold and you have to get really high in order to truly appreciate my beauty.

Snowboarders will Understand Four snowboarders - a German, a Swiss, an Australian, and a Canadian - are taking a chairlift up a mountain. The German boarder pulls out a bottle of beer from his jacket, drinks it, and tosses the empty over the side. ""Ah,"" he sighs. ""We have so much beer in Germany!"" Next the Swiss boarder pulls out a bar of chocolate from his jacket, eats it, and drops the wrapper over the side. ""Mmm,"" he sighs, ""we have so much chocolate in Switzerland!"" So the Australian…

There are many advantages of visiting Switzerland I mean, the flag itself is a big plus.

Boyfriend rushes home: Pack your bag honey, I've won Rs.10 crores in a lottery. Girl Friend: Wow! Dubai or Switzerland? Boyfriend: Who Cares? You just pack your bag & GET LOST!!!

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest seated beside her: ""Father, may I ask a favor?"" ""Of course. What may I do for you?"" ""Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"" ""I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."" ""With your honest face, father, no one will quest…

What's the best thing about Switzerland? Idk, but it's flag is a big plus

A very distinguished lady was on a plane A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: ""Excuse me Father, could I ask a favour?"" ""Of course my child, What can I do for you?"" ""Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you thi…

A foreigner goes to a bank in Switzerland... The teller asks the foreigner: ""Would you like to make a deposit?"" The foreign man replies: ""Yes I would."" The teller: ""How much would you like to deposit?"" The man leans in and whispers: ""Three million dollars..."" The teller: ""Oh you can speak up. Being poor is no reason to be ashamed in Switzerland.""

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? It's hard to pick one, but the flag is a big plus.

Switzerland declares war on China. The Chinese President is informed by one of his aides that Switzerland has declared war on them. The president calmly asks: ""What's the population of Switzerland?"", the aide replies: ""8 million, sir"", and so the president says: ""Alright, which hotel will they be staying at?"".

What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus.

The Daddest Jokes of Them All In Which Dad Tries His Hand At Humor -------------------------------------------- 1.Q Why did dad celebrate his new girlfriend's birthday for only thirty seconds? 1.A Because it was her 32^nd birthday! 2.Q ""Why is leather armor the best?"", asks Dad 2.A Because it's literally made of hide! 3.Q Dad wants to know why he should buy a SmartLamp^tm 3.A Obviously because the other ones aren't as bright! 4.Q Dad's girlfriend: ""I pushed the stool under the sink so you wou…

Four women are at a restaurant, one gets up to use the restroom. While she's gone, the other three decide to talk about their sons. The first one says, ""My son is a doctor. He graduated top of his class and bought his best friend his own private plane."" The second one says, ""My son is a scientist on the verge of a cure for cancer. He has so much money he bought his best friend a private island."" The third one said, ""My son is a world renowned architect. He's designed many of the greatest bu…

Hitler and Mussolini are planning an invasion of Switzerland... Mussolini asks: ""Where shall the border lie?"" Hitler proposes the border to be where the armies meet, to which Mussolini replies: ""No, I want to hold on to Rome!""

What happens when you get too much sun exposure in Switzerland? You get a sun *Bern.*

I'm making a list of reasons to move to Switzerland The flag is a big plus

Goats Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. ""These,"" she explained, ""are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."" She then asked, ""What do you do in America with your old goats?"" A spry old gentleman answered, ""They send us on bus tour…

What happened to Donald Trump when he travelled to Switzerland? He Felt the Bern

A man goes to Switzerland on a trip. While he's there, he notices that his Rolex has stopped. He thinks to himself, ""Well, at least I'm in Switzerland where the watchmakers all are!"". As he walks the street though, he sees that all the watchmakers are closed since it's Sunday; Except for one single shop with timepieces in the window. As the businessman enters he sees the owner, a pious old man poring over a big tome. Obviously his shop is open because he is a religious Jew. The man sets his wa…

So the other day my friend asked me if living in Switzerland had any benefits... I responded: ""Well, the flag's a big plus.""^I'll^see^myself^out.

NSFW I was watching a TV show about the euthanasia clinics in Switzerland and when it came to the part where the old man was saying goodbye to his family and it was really hard to watch... because I was wanking so hard my glasses fell off. Another Frankie Boyle.

I've been making a list of reasons to move to Switzerland... the flag is big plus.

Why are high end clocks designed and made in Switzerland? As they don't get arrested for doing their job as they do in America!

Living in Switzerland sucks but the flag is a big plus.