A very distinguished lady was on a plane A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: ""Excuse me Father, could I ask a favour?"" ""Of course my child, What can I do for you?"" ""Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you thi…

Four women are at a restaurant, one gets up to use the restroom. While she's gone, the other three decide to talk about their sons. The first one says, ""My son is a doctor. He graduated top of his class and bought his best friend his own private plane."" The second one says, ""My son is a scientist on the verge of a cure for cancer. He has so much money he bought his best friend a private island."" The third one said, ""My son is a world renowned architect. He's designed many of the greatest bu…

Topical Jokes for 10/26 (for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host) In Dallas, a man was arrested after he attacked a man in a pink shirt, while shouting homophobic slurs. Because what could be less gay than freaking out over another man's outfit? In California, a man robbed a convenience store, only to return later to apologize and give back the money. The cashier accepted the man's apology, then shot him eleven times. Scientists in Switzerland used a spectrometer to …

My second favorite joke that came to me in a dream. Woke up thinking I had told this one to all of my friends and they thought it was truly dumb. I told it to them IRL anyway: Everybody else went back to the hostel, so I ended up walking around Switzerland by myself at one in the morning. I'm passing this bar when I hear people cheering. I could use a drink so I pop in, and I find all of the chairs pushed aside, and there's a guy in the middle of the floor juggling big slabs of beef. Right? So I…