Politics Jokes

Two guys were complaining about the 2016 election. Guy 1: I can't believe we're putting our party's fortunes in the hands of such a sleazy, repulsive, useless bitch. Guy 2: Yeah, but the other party ain't doing so well either - they just nominated Hillary Clinton.

I just published a satirical critique of the Russian government and Putin hasn't sent anyone to kill me yet. I'm radiating with joy.

Why Trump will win the election? He will use his Trump-card.

Q: What do you call a beaten politician? A: Donald Trumped

The pope is riding in the back seat of a limo. The pope asks the driver ""Would you mind if I sat up in the front seat next to you?"" The driver agrees ""Yes, of course, but why wouldn't you want to sit back there?"" ""Because people always treat me too well and I would just like a little bit of change for once."" The driver stopped the car and let the pope sit next to him. A few minutes pass, and the pope asks the driver if they can swap clothing. The driver says ""sure"" and asks why. ""The cl…

Proof: Hillary Clinton Will Be A Great President ""She doesn't suck.""-Bill Clinton

Teacher asks, ""If you could be president for 48 hours, how many of you would be able to sleep?"" One student raised his hand. The teacher addressed the student, ""You think you would be able to sleep through that responsibility?"" The student responded, ""I would be sleeping. With ever girl ever.""

It's 2017, and President Hillary has ordered the minting of new coinage to celebrate female empowerment in the 21st Century. What is the new coin called? A Shilling, of course.

Canadian Protesters... So there were some protesters at the Canadian parliament buildings yesterday. 2 of them had the great idea to scale the Peace Tower (the massive tower on the centre front) and stand on the roof. Unfortunately, the copper roof broke and one of the men fell down the tower hitting the bells on his way down, and smashed through the roof of the lobby. He died on impact. Later that day when police were investigating they were asking if anyone knew the guy. One man came forward, …

We should have a horse for president. All in favor say 'neigh'.

What's the difference between President Obama and a bucket of shit? The shit's in a bucket ! *that redneck spit noise followed by a ting*

If Donald Trump becomes president... Does that make orange the new black?

It must be cold today Because I just saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets

In a parallel universe the world is ruled by a fascist government. Every year the Supreme Dictator is entertained on his birthday by way of a grand concert performed by the Great Orchestra. On the 50th birthday of the Supreme Dictator the Great Orchestra's performance is being guided by a new and young music director by the name of Saba Saging. The whole concert is going well until Saging made the mistake of prompting the bassists too early on the second section of the third piece. A mistake of …

The presidential footrace Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. Unfortunately, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11.

What do you call a snake that works for the government? ~~A civil serpent~~ Senator.

What's a Democrat's favorite genre of music? Progressive rock.

The Smart Blonde A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a flight from L.A. To New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists. He explains how the game works. ""I ask you a Question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa."" Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawye…

It's so cold outside... I even saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

What do you call a politician that can play brass? Donald trumpet

sometime in the [near?] future... (blonde joke) love richards is giving president machelle (who is a blonde) her daily briefing when she concludes by saying ""yesterday 5 brazillion soldiers died..."" ""OH NO!!"" the president shouts, everyone is shocked to see her emotions like this. Than the president gathers the courage to ask 1 final question... ""how much zeros are in a brazillion again?

Politician and money Robber walks towards a politician and says ""Give me your money"". Politician replies with ""Do you know who am i ? I'm a politician(any name)"". And then robber responds ""Okay. Give me my money"".

Liberal Democrat A first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are liberal Democrats too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. ""Because I'm not a liberal Democrat."" ""…

(Series) A tabloid hires a retired MMA fighter to write the headlines in an effort to save copy space. Story: Speech impairment expert delights patient with early Christmas fancy dress. Headline: Sanda! Story: Suzanne Mcfamousinourtown dumped on wedding day by Israeli lover. Headline: Jiu-jitsu! Story: farmers set to start multi-storey farming with staple vegetables in new trials. Headline: High karate! Story: Japanese furniture and bakery store to open as competition to Swedish giants. Headline…

In America, you support the government In Soviet Russia, the government supports you!