Russian Government Jokes

I just published a satirical critique of the Russian government and Putin hasn't sent anyone to kill me yet. I'm radiating with joy.

Tim The Train Expert Long read but worth! There was this man named Tim and Tim comes from a long line of train conductors. His father was a train conductor and so was his father before him. But as Tim grew up he realized that was not his passion but the pressure from his family to follow in his fathers footsteps was too great, so after Tim graduated high school he enrolled in training in hopes to be hired at a train station. After a few years of going through this training school and failing man…

Russian Yeltsin Joke Here's one of those great old stale Russian jokes. Quick context; Yeltsin presided over the gutting and corruption of a lot of Russian government companies. A man drives up to the Kremlin and parks his car outside. As he is getting out a policemen hurriedly flusters over and says ""You can't park there! That's right under Yeltsin's window!"" The man looks perplexed for a second but then smiles and calmly replies: ""No need to worry officer, I made sure to lock the car"" I go…

The official bad Yakov Smirnoff punchline thread about the Sochi Olympics You have been warned... In Russia, yellow water is not dirty, it's colored that way by Russian government so we don't mistakenly drink water instead of vodka!

Two Russian motorcycle cops are sitting on the side of the road. This was a joke Ronald Reagan told about Gorbachev, but most people probably forgot about Gorbachev, so I made it about Putin. These two Russian motorcycle cops are sitting on the side of a Russian highway. They both get a call from the Russian government telling them that every car caught speeding is to be pulled over and sent straight to jail. Now, Vladamir Putin was in a huge hurry that day, and he told his limo driver to s…