Gorbachev Jokes

Reporters are doing an interview with Gorbachev Reporter: ""So, what have you been up to lately?"" Gorbachev: ""I've started collecting political jokes about myself."" Reporter: ""That's interesting, how many do you have?"" Gorbachev: ""About 5 gulags""

One day in Soviet Russia, an officer is ordered to give a ticket to anyone speeding Mikhail Gorbachev comes driving into Russia after a meeting in belgrade, he is with his chauffeur and must get to the Kremlin as fast as possible. He tells his chauffeur to get to the back and that he will drive. As Gorbachev is speeding, the officer sees the speeding car and pulls him over. At the end of the day he is asked why he didn't give a ticket to that speeding car. The officer replies with, ""I couldn't …

What did Gorbachev say when the USSR collapsed? ""So ve it.""

Heard this joke by Reagan today-wanted to share Its hard to get an automobile in the soviet union. They are owned mainly by elite bureaucrats. In a car incident, Gorbachev was late from getting to the Kremlin from his house. He told the chauffer, ""Look we are running late so let me drive. I insist."" So He told the Chaufer to get in the back and he drove. Meanwhile the police were given strict orders to ticket anyone speeding no matter how important. So they were speeding down Moscow and two mo…

Mikhail Gorbachev wakes up late after a long night of worrying about the fate of the USSR over a bottle of vodka. He's so late, in fact, that he tells his slow-driving limo driver to get out of the car so he can drive himself to the Kremlin. He's speeding down the highway from his dacha into downtown Moscow when he blazes past a cop car on the side of the road. The first cop says to his partner, "Man, that guy's moving. Let's drive after him and give him a ticket!" The partner says, "I don't…

Two Russian motorcycle cops are sitting on the side of the road. This was a joke Ronald Reagan told about Gorbachev, but most people probably forgot about Gorbachev, so I made it about Putin. These two Russian motorcycle cops are sitting on the side of a Russian highway. They both get a call from the Russian government telling them that every car caught speeding is to be pulled over and sent straight to jail. Now, Vladamir Putin was in a huge hurry that day, and he told his limo driver to s…

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev are sitting together on a train... The train breaks down. Lenin tries to rally the workers to work together and get the train running again. When that fails, Stalin lines up all the workers and shoots them. When that doesn't help, Khrushchev tries to reform the workers back to life. When that also fails, Brezhnev pulls down all the curtains in the rail car and says "let's just pretend the train is moving." After sitting in the dark for a while,…

Old Soviet joke People are waiting in a long line like to buy vodka. Finally one alcoholic snaps and screams - 'I can't take it, I'll go kill Gorbachev!' And leaves the store. 10 minutes later he come back and says. 'The line to kill Gorbachev is even longer.'

A Gorbachev joke my dad told me a few years ago Mikhail Gorbachev visits the US and meet with Ronald Reagan. They talk about how each country chooses their second in command. Gorbachev says that the Communist Party gives rigorous exams and screenings to choose the second in command. Reagan says he gives a test to figure out who to choose. He calls George H.W. Bush over and asks "who's your father's son but not your brother?" Bush says "why, that would be me!" Gorbachev is impressed and goes b…

A Soviet man is waiting in line to purchase vodka from a liquor store... ...but due to restrictions imposed by Gorbachev