Politics Jokes

Trump should never become president. I don't to wait 4 more years for the next Celebrity Apprentice.

A communist Jew, an old hag who tries to be hip, a manic reality tv star, a bible thumper, a robot and an old man from Ohio who forgot to take his meds walk into a bar.... Pick one to be your next president

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' Her parents beamed with pride. 'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her. 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my …

Being an election year, I thought this one was timely A guy meets and old buddy of his at a store that he hadn't seen in about fifteen years. He noticed that his friend had a ten year old son. The guy says to the kid, ""What do you want to be when you grow up, young man?"" ""I want to be President of the United States!"", the kid proudly says, ""I'm a Democrat, just like my dad!"" The guy says, ""That's pretty ambitious, young man. It take a lot of work to be President. To teach you the value of…

Matthew McConaughey for president 2016: Make America Alright Alright Alright Again!

If Donald Trump becomes president and keeps up his shenanigans, he could be the first president to be impeached. It would be an un-presidented event in American politics.

The Democratic Response (in response to similar joke posted by Republicans yesterday) I recently asked my white friend's son what he wanted to be when he grows up. He said he wanted to be President some day. Both of his parents, conservative Republicans, were standing there, so I asked him, 'If you were President, what would be the first thing you would do?' He replied, 'I'd cut taxes for the wealthiest people in the nation.' His parents beamed with pride. 'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told him.…

It was really cold today... It was so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

What would Donald Trump do if he doesn't win the election? He'll start his own brand of ""Government""

What's scarier than Donald Trump becoming president? Bernie Sanders becoming president.

It is so cold outside that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pocket

Which American President was least guilty? Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.

I don't know if this american election is an actually presidential election or an iq test These damn american's are sure failing the IQ test

[Election 2016] A pretty girl, Santa Clause, and the most popular kid from your high school walk into a bar. They all offer you a drink and their friendship. Who do you choose? You first choose the pretty girl. You find out you have a lot in common, shes just like your last best friend, and as a bonus, you can cross the first girl to have ever bought you a drink off you list!. But then you realize something: She put the drink on your tab, and shes got BAGGAGE! You find out she's in a shitty marr…

UFC president Dana White called Conor McGregor this morning... He greeted him with ""Buenos Diaz""

Why shouldn't Donald Trump take Viagra as President? Instead of Melania, he will try to f*** every Juan.

Joe Biden's thoughts on the Supreme Court ""And look, I told Barack, if you really, really want to remake the Supreme Court, nominate Cruz. Before you know it, you'll have eight vacancies."" - Vice President Joe Biden https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/03/06/joe-biden-just-told-a-very-good-joke-at-ted-cruzs-expense/

A black man, a lawyer, an illegal immigrant, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar The bartender asks: ""What will it be, Mr. President?""

Who's going to lose the upcoming election? Society.

Chris Christies mom told him to run. She didn't mean for president though...

Arnold Swarzeneggar pushup contest. Arnold Swarzeneggar challenged former President George W. Bush to a pushup contest, and the President accepted. Swarzeneggar did 910, But Bush did 911.

Hillary said she wants to be the next president because there haven't been many women in the Oval Office. Bill said, ""That's not true, there's been plenty of women.""

3 boys were bragging about how fast their dads are. The first says, ""my dad holds the state record in the 220 yard dash."" Second says, 'that's nothing my dad won a silver medal in the Olympics for the 880 run."" The third says, ""my dad works for the government, and he's so fast that he gets off at 5pm and is home by 3pm every day.""

Conspiracy theories aren't real. They're all lies made by the government.

What is a pirate's favorite letter A letter of marque and reprisal, which granted treatment as a prisoner of war if captured, provided the former pirate turn over a proportion of his prizes to the issuing government. Used as a convenient way for otherwise underprepared belligerent nations to expand their navies in times of war, letters of marque and reprisal were finally renounced in 1856, long after the golden age of piracy.