[phone] WIFE: Where the hell are u? ME: Well u know that jewellers where u saw that ring u wanted? W: OMG M: I'm in a bar not far from there

Appropriate for Election Season A man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and asks his profession. The man says he was a politician. ""Ah,"" says St. Peter, ""then you may choose whether you would like to go to heaven or hell. You may spend one week in heaven, then one week in hell. At the end of the two weeks, you may decide where you would likes to spend the rest of eternity."" So the man goes first to heaven. Everyone sits around peacefully strumming their harps a…

Guy at a bar is talking on his hand as if it were a phone.... After many beers a guy started talking on his hand as if it was a phone. The bartender notices but doesn't say anything. Guy ordered another beer, and gets another call. By now the bartender is curious and asks the guy what he is doing with his hand. Guy responds that it's a cell phone and he is answering call. About this time guy feels nature calling and asks the bartender to watch is beer, and staggers off to the bathroom. Many minu…

A politician dies and goes to heaven... He is greeted by St. Peter who tells him there is a new system in the afterlife. You can spend one day in heaven and one day in hell, and afterwords you can decide where you want to spend eternity. The politician say, ""ok, let's try this out."" So he spends the day in heaven, praying with the Lord, singing with the choir, and talking with the angels. He's thinking this is alright, not too exciting, but it's gotta be better than hell. The day ends with a l…