Politics Jokes

Donald Trump is elected president...

Graham has withdrawn from the Republican nomination race. Some people worry that he'll send his voters to Trump. All three of them.

What did the Chinese government say about the air pollution? Suck it up!

Why don't all Libertarian candidates have dwarfism? I thought Libertarians believed in small government.

This town's government... ""This town's government is excellent and spends your tax dollars efficiently.""

Stimulant 2. Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. ""Well,"" he says, ""I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."" The Tennessee contractor also does…

Chief Bowels During the American Wild West era, a group of American railroad engineers came across a Native American tribe living right where their planned railroad was intended to be built. Not wishing to cause any harm to the Native Americans by forcibly removing them, the engineers met with Chief Bowels of the Native American tribe in his teepee to try to convince him to move the tribe. ""Sir, there is absolutely no other location we can lay this track. The mountains to the north and the rive…

If Donald Trump was elected president... Instead of saying ""You're fired."" He'd say ""You're deported.""

A man who is visiting from out of town goes into a bar one night... He gets incredibly drunk and stands up on one of the stools and yells: ""EVERY LAST DEMOCRAT IS A HORSES ASS!"" The crowd in the bar immediately starts screaming and yelling at him as they turn on him and beat him up and throw him out. A few nights later the man returns to the bar... the crowd SEEMS to be okay with him there again, and he ends up getting completely drunk yet again. Once more he ends up standing on one of the sto…

Monica Lewinsky released a statement on Hillary Clinton's run for president ""I will not vote for Hillary,"" she said. ""The last Clinton president left a bad taste in my mouth.""

During a war, three soldiers are captured while fighting abroad... The captors have all three soldiers lined up in front of them, and the captors' leader stepped forward, holding a pistol with one hand while the other hand lays on a Bible on the table next to him. ""Before I execute all of you, I shall allow each of you to make one and only one last request. You cannot change it."" Glancing at the Bible, he swore, ""I swear by the name of Lord that your request shall be fulfilled, for we are hon…

In solidarity with peaceful Muslim communities around the world, I believe America should finally elect it's first Muslim president to a third term.

Presidential clock After dinner one night, Bill Clinton drops his pants and points at his manhood, telling Hillary if she is going to be President, she better get to know the Presidential clock. She yells, ""That's not a clock"", to which he responds, ""If you put two hands and a face on it, it will be!""

Frederick Douglass opened President Lincoln's mind to the plight of blacks. Name another person who opened Lincoln's mind. John Wilkes Booth.

Donald Trump is a proof that internet comments can turn into a human and run for a president

What do you call an instrument that gets a president impeached? Harmonica Lewinsky.

North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media. When everyone knows that America is the best country in the world.

Why are they called jokes? Because calling them republican presidential candidates would make me cry.

Blonde finally wins A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a game. The blonde, who's tired and just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, ""I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."" Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawy…

My friend said Obama is the coolest president ever... ... Nah, Zachary Taylor was the illest.

Bank Loan A Chinese walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Taiwan on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The ba…

Monica Lewinsky's statement on Hillary's run for President Monica Lewinsky released the following statment on Hillary Clinton's run for President.. ""I will not vote for Hillary Clinton . The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in my mouth. As we get closer to the 2016 election year, citizens must remember that they cannot even trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs. The last time she had a meaning full job , she outsourced it to me and I simply blew it"".

How do you pump a Republican for information? With a plunger.

What do you call a hamburger that runs for president? A McTrump

One day... President Kennedy left his Rubik's Cube in the Oval Office and went out. At the same time, Khrushchev was spending time with a certain Ms. L. Khrushchev got up to close the door and turn off the lights, and suddenly, Ms. L was gone. When Kennedy returned to hi office, the Rubik's Cube was nowhere to be found. The two blamed each other, tensions rose, and **the Cube and Ms. L Crisis** shook the entire world.