Politics Jokes

Trump won the election... ...and right at the inaugration made a stern statement: ""There will be no wall and illegals can stay, and God Bless America!"". On his way down the podium, an angry voter yelled at Trump: ""Why are you breaking your promise? What the hell man?"". Trump smirked, leaned towards the angry Republican and whispered: ""If I built the wall and deported minorities, there would be no-one left to be racist bigot against, and no-one left to scapegoat when my policies crash the en…

Two black guys are playing a game. One of them jumps off a cliff and the other shoots himself. Who won? The government for having to pay welfare for two less people.

Republicans run for office by saying the government doesn't work... Then they get elected and prove it.

We need a woman president in the oval office. Because the white house cook is retiring next year.

An old joke about President Calvin Coolidge The President and Mrs. Coolidge were being shown (separately) around an experimental government farm. When Mrs. Coolidge came to the chicken yard she noticed that a rooster was mating very frequently. She asked the attendant how often that happened and was told, ""Dozens of times each day."" Mrs. Coolidge said, ""Tell that to the President when he comes by."" Upon being told, the President asked, ""Same hen every time?"" The reply was, ""Oh, no, Mr. Pr…

in the 2020 olympics ... ... after Trump has become president, USA will have the best pole vaulting team in the world, consisting of only mexicans

An apple a day Keeps the government away

Hillary, fighting to be the first woman President, leads Sanders in the South Carolina Democratic Presidential Primary - Clinton 61%, Sanders 31% As Senator Lindsay Graham put it: ""South Carolina is Bush country."" I know, it's terrible.

A loving couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, privately, at home with a couple of bottles of champagne. A bit tipsy and feeling very intimate the husband turns to his wife and asks, ""Tell me truthfully, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"" ""Well,"" she replied, ""since you ask, to tell you the truth I have been unfaithful on three occasions."" ""What? How could you?"" ""Let me tell you about it,"" she said. ""The first time was back when we were first married. You needed op…

On their first evening in The White House, President Obama is surprised to find something new about Michelle POTUS: Oh honey, you finally did it all the way. Thanks, bae. Loved it. Great way to celebrate. Michelle: I did for all of us - You, me, the American people, and the entire world. From this day on, this place shall never again house any bush.

What do you call a republican fashion director? Clothed minded

I wrote a horror story using only six words. Donald Trump won the presidential election.

Which American president was not guilty? Lincoln, he was in a cent

GOP Moves To Block Obama From Naming Scalia Successor.... They believe a black president only gets 3/5ths of a term

What are the first few things Donald Trump will do as President * Turn the White House lawn into a expensive golf course for rent * Build a huge wall around the White House and make the visitors pay for it * Pass an executive action to cancel the 2008/2012 election alleging that Obama was not born in this country what else?

President Obama announces his intention to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court ""I can't wait until I'm in a position to have a real impact on the country!"" said an excited Obama.

An African President visits the US... While on his diplomatic mission, he attends an event hosted at the beautiful mansion of a Senator. Impressed, the President asks the Senator, ""Pardon me, but I thought that politicians were not paid exceptionally well in this country, at least not in their salaries. May I ask how you have come to afford such a wonderful home?"" Grinning, the Senator led the President to the patio which overlooked a large bay. ""Do you see that bridge crossing the bay?"" ""Y…

Hilary Clinton is elected president ... FTFY

Donald Trump becomes President. Thats it. That is the joke.

Donald trump Is a good president

Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York. She spoke for almost an hour about her plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. She referred to her time as a U.S. Senator and how she had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.   Although Hillary was vague about the details of her plans, she seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about her i…

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. ""What are these guys in the big suits doing?"" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with …

Bernie Sanders is elected president </joke>

The leader of China is growing restless so he tries to find a country that wants to fight his army, so he called Sweden... The leader of china calls Obama and says: ""Hey man, we havn't had a good fight in a while, how about we see who has the best army?"" To which Obama said: ""Look pal, you know me, we never say no to a big show down but we have so much on our plate right now. The election, the syrian crysis, superbowl...how about you come back in a couple of years? Or better yet, call Russia!…

I figured out why republicans are all over the place this election cycle. If you walk without rythm, it won't attract the Bern... I'll see myself out.