Politics Jokes

A plane's pilot is dead and the plane is going to crash. There are 5 passengers and 4 parachutes. The first passenger is Barack Obama, who takes a parachute on the grounds of being ""the president of America"". The second passenger, Mohammed Ali, takes a parachute on the grounds of being ""a famous boxer"". The third passenger, Donald Trump, takes a parachute on the grounds of being ""the smartest man in the world!"" This leaves a little girl and an old lady. The girl wants the old lady to have …

This election season has taught me a lot about what it must feel like to be a reasonable, level-headed Christian . . . You really really like this one Jewish socialist guy, but you have a really hard time tolerating most of his other fans.

Why did Mr. Clinton want to become President? Because it pays the bills.

My sister said she thought it would be cool to be a meme. I told her to run for president.

""So what kind of cancer can you tolerate the most?"" -Me on which President Candidate you're going to vote

If pro is the opposite of con, then whats the opposite of progress? Congress

A Billionaire, a Misogynist, and a Racist walks into a bar The bartender asks how he is doing in the election. Edit: shitty spelling and punchline

Voting this election with a D20 *20-Critical Success You realize the power of self governing and refuse to vote as to form the independent people. *0-Critical Failure Vote for trump. *Even number Hillary Clinton *Odd numbers Bernie Sanders *13 ~~Zodiac Killer~~ Ted Cruz

What body movements alert you that a politician is lying? His lips are moving.

It would be a disaster if Hillary Clinton were elected president I mean who would entrust our nukes to a woman on a period?

Monica Lewinsky says she WILL endorse Hillary for president... ..says Hillary Clinton ""doesn't suck.""

What does Trump say when you ask him about his love life? I date girls. I date the best girls. Everyone tells me how the girls I date are the best girls. People come up to me on the street, even muslim and hispanic people, and they tell me how I date the best girls. I'd date the best girls of any president in history. They'd be great, very good, very good girls. I've been told I date the best girls.

You know it's cold outside... When you see a politician with their hands in their own pockets.

I am going to stay up tomorrow and watch the election results... But all the commercials say ""If your election lasts longer than four hours, please call your doctor.""

There are 20 IT Professionals working on a government server 18 of them are Chinese

A reporter asked Donald Trump ""What is your greatest weakness?"" ""You see that is the problem with america. They always ask me what is America's weakness? Believe me, I will make america not weak again. I will make america great. Believe me. We dont have to think about weakness. China is weak. Mexico is weak. But we are not weak, we are strong. Trust me. Im not a politician. Politicians are liars. Im not a liar. You see america is weak right now because these politicians make america weak. But…

Breaking News! President Putin have decided to restore Crimea territory to Ukraine. But President Poroshenko was so drunk and just declined the offer.

Did you know that if Hillary Clinton is elected as the U.S. President, she would be the first president to have ever slept with another president.

As a Chinese comedian many people ask about my opinion on our government... I can't complain.

President Trump goes to the Olympics At the 2018 Olympics, President Trump begins his speech. ""O!"" applause. ""O!"" more applause. ""O!"" yet more applause. ""O!"" an Huuuge ovation. ""O!!!"" the whole audience stands up and goes wild. An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, ""President Trump , those are the Olympic rings, you don't need to read them!""

Why Donald Trump might win the election but resign on the first day? He finds out he has to move in to a small house in a black neighborhood!

This Election Being forced to choose between Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump is like being forced to choose between bad hemorrhoids and rectal cancer; one is clearly worse than the other but they're both still a huge pain in your ass.

Why did the thief say when someone is about to go get his attention? ""You owe me five billion million gajillion bucks coz I turned into a human and run for president. The other half doesn't have the money to pay, and that he would kill himself soon.""

What do you get when you elect Bernie Sander's son as president? A son Bern

Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election? Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.