Politics Jokes

In this election year, I'm buying shorter socks. Because I don't support Crews

Who would you like for president in 2020? Anyone who doesn't have poor visions.

Why Donald Trump will win the primary but loose the general election? He can push through the Bushes but cannot climb a **Hill**ary.

The obligatory ""cattle guard"" joke for the next president Stolen from [Snopes](http://www.snopes.com/politics/humor/cattleguards.asp) For those of you who have never traveled to the west, or southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing over that area. For some reason the cattle will not step on the ""guards,"" probably because they fear getting their…

Trump gets elected president.. On inauguration day, he swears in as President. Before delivering his inauguration speech, he turns to Obama and says ""President Obama, You're Fired""

The only reason millienials want to see Trump become president.. Because we've never seen a president assassinated before.

My daughter just walked into the living room and said ""Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house."" ... Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brothe…

You know what's really great about being a Democrat in Texas on Super Tuesday? No waiting in line. (An hour and a half wait if you were a Republican.)

The insane really should be institutionalized. Trump for President

How to get a free plane ticket to Washington You can get a free plane ticket to Washington (DC) by using the secret code used by undercover CIA agents use to communicate. If they hear you say the code word ""Al-ah-who, Ack-bar"", they will put you on a plane to Washington FOR FREE, assuming you have an important message for the President. Here are some tips to make sure an agent hears your message: - Say it in a crowd of people, the more people there are around you, the more likely one will be a…

Ben Carson is the best sleep walker ever Sometimes he wakes up and finds out he's standing on Republican presidential debate stage.

A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar The Bartender says: ""what would you like Senator Cruz?""

Donald Trump is raping the republican party unlike the female body, the GOP has no power to shut it down.

I sincerely hope Trump does become President Because at least Australian Politics won't be the butt of every joke anymore. Sincerely, still a rather embarrassed Australian citizen.

""LBJ"" was a president... Not a Spanish term for Hump Day activities.

Did you know President Obama can run around the White House in 11:00? It would be a record, but Bush did 9:11.

So Hilary, what are your plans for economic development and beating ISIS if you ever win the election? ""I have a boyfriend""

Donald Trump has received 50% of the African American Republican vote so far.... and the other one has voted for Ben Carson.

Repeat after me: President Trump.

Bartender and His Customers A neurosurgeon, two Cubans, a fascist, a socialist, and a prisoner all walk into a bar together. The bartender asks, ""What's new?"" They all reply, ""I'm running for president.""

Fox News and Obama Fox News is cowering down to the President... In response to President Obama's complaint that FOX News doesn't show enough Black and Hispanic people on their network, FOX has announced that they will now air ""America's Most Wanted"" TWICE a week.

What's the best thing about a Trmp versus Clinton election? One of them has to lose.

One time I ordered a diet coke but it didn't come on time. It said it had responsibilities in the Japanese government.

When you add the same thing to both sides of an equation, it remains true. Therefore, since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', then 'progress' is the opposite of 'Congress'.

What's a greater Pressure, the impact of Earth hitting the sun, the impact of Earth hitting the moon, or Republican demands for Carson and Kasich to drop out? Please discuss. Thanks.