Salvation Army Jokes

*drops off box to Salvation Army* "Sir, why is this box marked W I F E?" *peels out*

I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they're just gonna spend it on more bells.

*knocks on donation door Me: I have a donation Salvation Army: Ma'am, once again... you cannot donate your man Me: You have stupid rules!

*sees Salvation Army bell ringer* "Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!" "Sir, we don't accept children." *runs away*

A man walked into a ladies department A man walked in to a ladies department walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, ""I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."" ""What type of bra?"" asked the clerk. ""Type?"" Inquires the man, ""There is more than one type?"" ""Look around"", said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material. ""Actually, even with all of these variety, there are really only three types of bras,"" replied the sales clerk. Confused, …

My daughter just walked into the living room and said ""Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house."" ... Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brothe…

Dad, about your will... A man was telling his buddy, ""You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said, Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And d…

The religion of bras. There are basically 3 types of bras for women that can be described in religious terms. There's the Catholic bra: it holds the masses. There's the Salvation Army bra: it uplifts the downtrodden. There's the Baptist bra: it makes mountains out of mole-hills.

Confucious say Man walking down the street carrying a 5-disc CD changer... ...is either walking to or from the Salvation Army.

A man walked into the women's department of Macy's in New York City.He found a saleslady, and told her, ""I would like a Jewish bra for my wife, size 34B."" With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, ""What kind of bra?"" He repeated ""A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish bra, and that you would know what she means."" ""Ah, now I remember,"" said the saleslady. ""We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the…

At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said ""I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.""

The Salvation Army realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer... So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community? The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is …

She actually said that? A man was telling his buddy, "You won't believe what happened last night... My daughter walked into the living room and said, ‘Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window; take my TV, and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me a…

Jewish Bra A young Jewish man walks into the Lingerie Department of Macy's in New York. He tells the saleslady, "I would like a Jewish bra for my wife size 34 B." With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, "What kind of bra?" He repeated, "A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish bra, and that you would know what she wanted." "Ah, now I remember," said the saleslady. "We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Most of our customers lately want the Catholic bra, …

A drover walks into a pub... A drover walks into a pub and orders three beers. He drinks a sips of each in turn. When he finish he orders three more. The bartender says, "You know, a beer goes flat after I pour it. They'd taste better if you bought one at a time". The cattleman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers overseas. When we left home, we promised we'd dring this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drink one beer for each brother and of for myself." The drove…

A man walks into a department store He says to sales lady "I would like to buy a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B." With a quizzical look the sales lady asked "what kind of bra?" He repeated a "Baptist bra, she said to tell you she wanted a Baptist bra, and you would know what she wanted." "Ah now I remember" said the sales lady, "we don't get as many requests for them as we used to mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian type." …

My daughter just walked into the living room and said "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.” …

The Salvation Army realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer... So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

What branch of the military did the hipster join? The Salvation Army.

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife" What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what the types were. Th…