Second Lady Jokes

Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week. The first lady says: ""The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."" Next week they meet up again. The second lady says to the first one: ""I took a tip from…

2 old ladies are having a smoke outside when it starts to rain. One lady says to the other, ""Do you wanna know how to keep your cigarette dry when it rains?"" The second lady responds, ""Sure"". So the first lady proceeds to tell her to buy a pack of condoms and each time she's having a smoke out in the rain, get out one of the condoms, place it over the cigarette and it will stay dry. Well the second old lady thinks it's a great idea so she strolls down to her local pharmacy to buy a pack of c…

Two old ladies were seated next to each other on a train. The first lady turns to the other and asks, ""where you headed to?"" The second lady replied with disgust, "" I'm heading to a place where they know not to end a sentence in a preposition."" The first lady sits quietly for a minute then turns back to the second and says, ""so, where you headed to, bitch.""

Three blonde ladies are sitting in a cafe chatting about various things. one lady says, ""You know, I'm getting really forgetful.This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."" The second lady says, ""You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woke up!"" The third lady smiles smugly, ""Well, my memory's just as good as …

A Mormon president would face the most difficult issue any president has. Deciding who's the First Lady, who's the Second Lady, and who's the Third Lady.

Two old ladies are outside of their retirement home smoking. All of a sudden it starts to rain. The first lady pulls out a condom, snips off the tip, and puts it over here cigarette. The second lady asks why she did this. The first responds, ""it keeps my cigarette from getting too wet."" The next day, the second lady goes to her local 7-11 and asks the cashier for a box of condoms. The cashier is surprised due to her age, but asks ""what size do you need?"" The lady responds, ""doesn't matter, …

Three Ladies Died and Went to Heaven... When they arrived, St. Peter greeted them and said: ""You may do whatever you please in Heaven, but don't step on the ducks."" As expected, there were ducks everywhere. Very soon, one of the ladies stepped on a duck. St. Peter came to the woman and handcuffed her to a hideously ugly man. ""For stepping on a duck, you will be forced to be with this ugly man for the rest of eternity."" The second lady tried extremely hard not to step on a duck, but soon fail…

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, ""You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."" The second lady says, ""You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just waken up!"" The third lady smiles smugly. ""Well, my memory's just as good as…

What Memories? Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, ""Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."" The second lady chimed in, ""Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down. The third one responded, ""Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood!""…

Two Ladies are sitting on a bench... Two ladies are sitting on a bench together smoking cigarettes, and a storm starts to come in. It starts to sprinkle and the second lady puts a condom on her cigarette. Lady 1 : ""Why did you put a condom on your cigarette?"" Lady 2 :""Well this way my cigarette won't go out."" The next day the first lady goes to the drug store.She seeks out an employee and asks "" Do you have any condoms large enough to fit a camel?""

Three Old Ladies and a Robber Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench, and a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. The first lady had a stroke, the second lady had a stroke, and the third lady's arm was too short to reach.

eer booze and fun!' 'Two ladies are in a bar and the first lady says ""Why are men the same as parking lots"". So the second lady says ""I don't know?"" So the first lady says "" all the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicap!""

Three ladies all have separate boyfriends named Leroy... One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar, one of the ladies suggests, "Let's name our Leroys after a soda pop, because I'm tired of getting my Leroy mixed up with your Leroy, and her Leroy mixed up with your Leroy." The other two ladies agree. The first lady speaks out, "Okay then, I'm gonna name my Leroy 7-Up because he has 7 inches and it's always up!" The three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other high fives. Then,…

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." The third one responded, "Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't hav…

Three old ladies Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just waken up!" The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory's ju…

Three old ladies are discussing their husbands while having tea. Three old ladies are out for tea and discussing their husbands performance in the sack. They decide to have some fun and describe their husbands as soda pops. The first lady says "my husband is probably Mountain Dew. Because when im ready to mount. Hes ready to do" The second lady says, still giggling, "My hudband is 7 up, cause when its seven hes always up" The third lady says "My husband is defenitely Jack Daniels" The other …

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a man in a long coat walks up to them and exposes himself... The first old lady says, "My goodness!" and immediately has a stroke. The second lady, seeing the first lady, also has a stroke. The third lady couldn't reach.

I Am Not Forgetful Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have…

Three elderly ladies were sitting on a... Park bench minding their own business when they heard a rustle coming from the bushes. Suddenly and a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. The first lady yelled in shock and had a stroke. The second lady yelled in shock and had a stroke. The third lady’s arm was too short to reach.

Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. . First Lady:Whats that? Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet. First Lady: Where did you get it? Second Lady : You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy…

Three older ladies are discussing the trials of getting older. One says, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich.” The second lady chimes in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.” The third one responds, “Well, I’m sure glad I don’t have that problem, knock on wood.” She raps her knuc…

3 women die and arrive at the pearly gates St Peter tells them "We don't have many rules here in Heaven. But the most important one is, we have a lot of ducks here, and you must not harm ANY! God is crazy about his ducks. You have been warned!" They enter and see, there are ducks everywhere! All over the place. Within seconds the first one accidentally steps on a duck. An angel appears with an UGLY and FAT old man. He chains her to him. "He is with you for all eternity!" the angel says. The oth…

Three old ladies are sitting in a cafe, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn't remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!" The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory is just as good as it's…