*approaches girl in bar* *passes right through her* *i've been dead for 73 years*

So it's legal to sleep on a pillow but illegal to hold it over someone's face until they die? Ugh, government

If there isn't an open bar at my funeral then count me out, I'm not going!

[quietly opens a beer] Funeral Director: seriously?! Me: oh sorry [reaches into cooler and hands him one]