The Bank Jokes

A Little Old Lady.... .....walks into Bank of America and asks to open a savings account. The new accounts receptionist first thinks this is strange, probably because everyone is leaving them for credit unions now. At any rate, the accounts person asks her how much she wanted to deposit to open the account, and the little old lady replies, ""Three million dollars."" The accounts person is startled, and says, ""In what form?"" and the little old lady says, ""Cash. I've got it right here in this b…

Little old lady(long) A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, ""Three million dollars."" The accounts person is startled, and says, ""In what form?"" and the little old lady says, ""Cash. I've got it here in this bag..."" and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green …

A frog goes into a bank. . . . . . and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whak. So, he says, ""Mrs. Whak, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."" Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says ""$30,000."" The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000…

Can I get a loan? This one's my absolute favorite because it's so true (I know cause I'm Iranian): An Iranian man walks into a bank New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the Iranian hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million dollars. ""The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,"" says th…

A black guys walks into a bank... ... says ""I'm looking for a job!"" The bank manager says, ""Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"" The black guy says ""You're joking."" The bank manager says ""Well, you started it!""

A frog walks into a bank. The frog hops up on the counter of the nearest available teller and says ""I want a loan."" Confused, the teller asks for the frog's name. ""My name is Kermit Jagger, son of Rolling Stone's legend Mick Jagger, and I want a loan"" he says. ""And what is **YOUR** name?"" ""My name is Patricia. Patricia Whack"" replied the teller. ""I'm afraid we don't normally give loans to frogs, sir"" ""Look"" said the frog. ""I'm Kermit T. Jagger. My father is **Rolling Stones legend M…

An Irishman wants to rob a London bank... An Irishman wants to rob a major London bank, but he is worried that his thick Irish accent will give him away. He decides to go to a language class to learn how to speak Proper English like a real Englishman. After months of practise, he strolls into the bank with a sawn-off shotgun, and in perfect upper class English says: ""I say, old chap, hand over all your money or I'll jolly well shoot your head off!"" The bank teller just looks at him. ""You're I…

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, ""It's a lot of money!"" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office(the customer is always right!) The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, ""$165,000!"" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of cou…

A frog wants a loan from the bank A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack. ""Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50,000 loan to take a vacation."" Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. ""Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, I know your manager."" Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. ""Sure, how about this,"" said Kermit as he produces a tiny porcelain elep…

(Reverse?) Blonde Joke... So a blonde walks into a bank... So, a blonde woman goes into a bank in Downtown Manhattan, and says to the bank manager, ""I would like a $5000 loan please."" The bank manager says, ""that won't be a problem miss, but you will have to give us some collateral."" The blonde women smiles, pulls her car keys out of her purse, and hands them to the bank Manager. Then she says, ""I can offer you my car, it is 2015 Rolls Royce Phantom."" The bank manager looks incredulously a…

A frog goes into a bank... and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. ""Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday"". Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that its ok, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, ""sure I have this"", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, a…

Kermit Jagger A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. ""Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."" Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, ""Sure. I have this,"" and produces a tiny porcelain el…

So a frog walks into a bank and hops up on the counter and much to the surprise of the teller, Patty, the frog speaks and says ""Good morning Miss Whack, I would like a 10,000 dollar loan to take a vacation and get away"". Obviously surprised by the talking frog she stumbles out ""Well I'd be happy to process the loan request for you, but do you have an account with us? What name would it be under?"" ""Well I don't have an account per say..."" he replies. ""But I know the manager. Tell him Kermi…

A man walks into a savings and loan with a garbage bag full of cash. ""I'd like to open an account,"" he says to the account manager, and puts the bag of cash on the desk. The account manager looks it over and says, ""Fantastic. For an account of this size, I know the president of the bank will want to meet you personally. Do you have a moment while I draw up the paperwork?"" ""Of course,"" the man says. The account manager calls up to the president of the bank and explains the situation, and th…

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller He can tell from her name-plate her name is Patricia Whack. 'Ms. Whack I'd love to get $30,000 to take a holiday.' Patty looks at the frog in disbelief, and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that its okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with collateral. The frog says 'sure I have this,' and he produces a tiny porcelain elephant about an inch tall, br…

A frog goes into a bank... A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So, he says, ""Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."" Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says ""$30,000."" The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti exp…

So a black guy walks into a bank All dressed in black and says ""I'm looking for a job!"" The bank manager says, ""Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"" The black guy says ""You're joking."" The bank manager says ""Well, you started it!"" EDIT: Just for clarification, I heard this joke listening to XM on Sunday and thought it was funny, so I would share. I know it's not a politically correct joke. But it's just a joke. …

I pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying, ""Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession. You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established."" The bank manager said to the clerk, ""You'd better do what ... Read more...

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. ""Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."" Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, ""Sure . I have this,"" and produces a tiny porcelain elephant,…

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. 'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.' Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, abou…

A frog named Kermit Jagger goes to a bank to get a loan. He talks to a teller named Patty Mack. Patty asks the frog what he has for collateral. The frog pulls out a small figurine, but Patty says, ""I'm sorry, that's just a cheap knick knack."" The bank manager had been walking by at the time and overheard the conversation. Looking over, he said, ""This figurine is three hundred years old -- it's priceless. That's no knick knack, Patty Mack, give that frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."…

A frog needs a loan... ...so he goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. 'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a loan to take a holiday.' Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks 'Okay, well what's your name?' The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, son of the musician Mick Jagger. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, 'Sure. I have this' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, a…

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office(the customer is always right!) The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of h…

A Man Goes to the Bank A man goes to the nearby city in his Rolls-Royce for some business he had to attend. When he arrives, he goes to the bank, parks his car an walks into the bank. He says to the teller, "I immediately need a loan of $5000." The teller replies,"I'm sorry sir, but we cannot give you the money like that, you will need to provide something for us to keep so we ensure that we can give you the money and that we get it back." The man then points to his Rolls-Royce outside and sa…

Banker's balls (nsfw) A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curio…