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United States Jokes

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The US President, French President, and Brazilian President are in an airplane... The French president sticks is arm out of a window in the airplane and says, ""We're flying over France."" The other two presidents ask him how he knows this. He responds with, ""I just touched the Eiffel Tower."" A little while later, the US president sticks his arm out of the window and says, ""We're flying over the United States."" The other two presidents ask him how he knows this. He responds with, ""I just to

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Trump, Pena Nieto and Putin come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. ""I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total,"" says the Genie. Pena Nieto, the President of Mexico says, ""I was a miner, my dad was a miner, and my son will also mine. I want the land to be forever filled with minerals and oil in Mexico."" With a blink of the Genies eye, ""FOOM,"" the land in Mexico was forever filled to the brink with rare resources. Trump was amazed, but he already made up his mind, "

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[Joke]It's the end of the world! It's the end of the world, as a meteor will hit the Earth in one hour, and everyone is scrambling to shelters worldwide. However, to enter, the United States, broke even now, requires 25 cents to enter, only quarters. Billy and his granddad are hurrying to the shelter, however, when they get there, neither Billy nor his granddad have a quarter to enter. Accepting their fate, they wait outside for the world to end. The shelter closes and the two are standing, watc

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CNN & NBC news report (political humor) *Breaking news* A man has killed twenty people today in a walmart with a gun. The man has been identified as muhammed takbir muhammed. He is an unemployed son of a family that immigrated to the united states ten years ago from Afghanistan. Multiple witnesses say the man was yelling ""Allah Akbar"" and ""Death to Infidels"" while shooting people before police came and killed the man. It is troubling that the man was killed because without questioning hi

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Whata country.. You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores. He says, ""On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, ""What a country!""

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Juan the custodian (alternate ending) Juan was the custodian at a local grade school. Everyone loved Juan. He was so sweet and compassionate with the kids and did a wonderful job. One day the principal came up to Juan and said: ""You know Juan, you care about this school so much, maybe you should run for the board of education"" And Juan said: ""You know, I've never thought about that before, but why not?"" So Juan got up in front of the people in town and gave a speech: ""My name is Juan, I lov

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Once upon a time, there was a wasp. Now, this wasp was no ordinary wasp. No, no, this was an extremely intelligent wasp. He was so smart, in fact, that one day he decided to leave the nest to go to high school. Obviously, this was a big deal for his family, but they supported him in following his dreams, so they packed up his few belongings and sent him off the high school. You might think that a wasp wouldn't do very well in a high school, and normally you'd be right. This wasp, however, was no

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A Russian arrives in New York City... A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, ""Thank you Mr. American for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, and a free education!"" The passerby says, ""You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."" The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ""Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."" The person says, ""I not

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