So the Pope went to visit Fidel Castro... ....and Fidel said to His Holiness, ""please father, I seek absolution, for I am approaching the end of my life. Will I be received at the gates of Heaven?"" The Supreme Pontiff asked the infamous dictator, ""Well, that depends my son, what have you done for the good of your fellow man?"" Castro answered, ""I led a revolution for the betterment of the weakest and poorest of my people, I liberated a beleaguered population from that imperialist swine, Bati…

United States: There's 5280 feet in one mile. Rest of the World: What even is that? United States: Lol, we made it up.

I threw a parking cone at someone. I am the drunkest person in the United states.

Americans think of Canada as a United States cover band.