Fidel Castro Jokes

Say what you will about Fidel Castro, at least he didn't use a private email server.

Fidel Castro was alive?

Vladimir Putin, Fidel Castro and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train.. Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train. Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask ""what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!"" To which Castro responds, ""in your country/post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in my country th…

Fidel Castro and 11 Presidents Fidel Castro survived 11 Presidents of the United States -Eisenhower -Kennedy -Johnson -Nixon -Ford -Carter -Reagan -Bush -Clinton -GW Bush -Obama But he couldn't take 15 days of Trump

Fidel Castro was giving a speech to his people Fidel Castro was giving a speech to the Cuban people in a large outdoor venue. Halfway through the speech he hears a vendor in the crowd, ""popcorn, peanuts, soda..."" He ignores it and carries on with the speech. He hears the same thing, ""popcorn, peanuts, soda..."" Fidel gets frustrated and says, ""the next person I hear say that I'm gonna kick his ass so hard he's gonna wind up in Florida."" Then the whole crowd goes, ""popcorn, peanuts, soda.""…

Q: What do Fidel Castro and Harambe have in common? A: They're both dead gorillas.

Fidel Castro just died, Cubans can be finally happy that their country will be ruled by the young generation led by a much younger leader. His 85 year old brother!

Fidel Castro is dead Trump don't mess about.

Fidel Castro was a Muslim Otherwise he would have been called ""Infidel"".

Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press. Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.

Fidel Castro dies and goes to hell. There he discovers that he has a choice: he can go to capitalist hell or to communist hell. Naturally, he wants to compare the two, so he goes over to capitalist hell. There outside the door is the devil, who looks a bit like Ronald Reagan. ""What's it like in there?"" asks Fidel. ""Well,"" the devil replies, ""in capitalist hell, they flay you alive, then they boil you in oil and then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives."" ""That's terrible!""…

Fidel Castro died and went to heaven. When he arrived there, Jesus said that his place was in hell. Arriving there, Fidel was received with honors by Satan. In a certain moment, he remembered he had forgotten his baggage in Heaven and he wanted to look for them but Satan said to him: ""Stay here, I will send two little demons to search for them"" When the little demons came to heaven, the line was too big and they decided to jump the gate. When Jesus saw them jumping through the gate he said: Th…

Today the world has lost a great leader who ruled with an iron fist. Mrs.Brady you will be missed... (some guy named Fidel Castro died too)

Fidel Castro said he wouldn't die until America was destroyed. Well, looks like he died 17 days after.

RIP Fidel Castro You will be Commu-missed.

Castro joke I got from Cuban family members Fidel Castro dies and because he thinks he is so great he goes to heaven. Once past the gates though, Saint Peter stops him and throws him out being the the watchful eye he is. In hell, the devil meets castro and gives him a warm welcome and tells his demons to get Castro's bags and bring them to his room. Castro however forgot them in heaven and the demons promptly go to retrieve the bags. They get to heaven but the gates have already shut and the dem…

So the Pope went to visit Fidel Castro... ....and Fidel said to His Holiness, ""please father, I seek absolution, for I am approaching the end of my life. Will I be received at the gates of Heaven?"" The Supreme Pontiff asked the infamous dictator, ""Well, that depends my son, what have you done for the good of your fellow man?"" Castro answered, ""I led a revolution for the betterment of the weakest and poorest of my people, I liberated a beleaguered population from that imperialist swine, Bati…

Fidel Castro gets birthday present Fidel Castro gets a galapagos tortoise for his birthday. - How long does it live? - asks Fidel. - About 300 years. - What a pity, - replies Fidel. - You just get used to a pet and it suddenly dies.

An old Cuban immigrant is dying (NSFW-language) and he asks his nurse ""Please take me back to Cuba, I want to kiss the Cuban flag for one last time before I die"". The nurse replies "" We can't take you there, but I will get you the next best thing"". She pulls down her pants and so it happens that she is wearing underwear with the Cuban flag printed on her ass. The man, in tears, kisses the underwear, looks at her and says ""Now turn around, I want to kiss Fidel Castro one last time""

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train. Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask "what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "in your country/post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in my country these are as cheap as dirt." Then Vladimir Putin pulls a bottle of expensi…

I came 2nd in a Fidel Castro look-a-like competition.. close but no cigar

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train. Fidel Castro pulls an expensive cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask, "What are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "In your country or post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in my country these a…

Came second place in a Fidel Castro lookalike competition. Close

What grades did Fidel Castro get at school? Full Marx

Fidel Castro survived 638 assassination attempts But even he could not survive 2016