Atlanta Jokes

They should come out with a CSI Atlanta, with an all black cast. But each episode would be about finding who murdered the English language.

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies... who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud says, ""Man, I wish we had something to drink!"" Jim says, ""Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fa…

CDC researching anomaly in Atlanta (self xfrom /funny) With all the rain lately in Atlanta, the CDC has been investigating something that only seems to happen when it rains. They seem to think there is some kind of chemical reaction that happens with the rain hits the asphalt that causes people to completely forget how to drive in weather which results in 285 being backed up for miles on Friday afternoon when people are trying to get home after work. Radio traffic announcers are calling it the M…

Once upon a time, there was a wasp. Now, this wasp was no ordinary wasp. No, no, this was an extremely intelligent wasp. He was so smart, in fact, that one day he decided to leave the nest to go to high school. Obviously, this was a big deal for his family, but they supported him in following his dreams, so they packed up his few belongings and sent him off the high school. You might think that a wasp wouldn't do very well in a high school, and normally you'd be right. This wasp, however, was no…

Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity? Because all of their broads are in Atlanta

Lesbians build huge mansion in atlanta... It was all tounge and groove, not a single stud in the house. (Construction workers joke, you might not get it)

JET FUEL ALCOHOLICS Two airplane mechanics named Bob and Tim work at Atlanta airport. Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Bob and Tim have nothing to do. After work Bob and Tim usally have a drink on their way home, so Bob says to Tim, ""I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel."" Since they have nothing better to do, they try it. Finally, their shift is over and they get to go home. Next morning Bob calls Tim and says, ""How are you feeling?"" Tim s…

A front desk attendant at Delta is beginning to board passengers for a flight from Atlanta to Birmingham, Alabama... As he is taking the tickets from the passengers and allowing them board, he notices one man still standing at the window, looking at the plane. Once everyone else has walked down the passageway towards the jet, the attendant walks over to the man and asks if he is supposed to be on the plane. ""This plane takes off at 7:05 and gets into Birmingham at 7:07?"" The man asks. ""Uh, ye…

Single Black Female seeks male companionship. Single Black Female This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal. ________________________________ SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating o…

Bowling Ball Delivery A semi truck driver is hired to deliver a load of bowling balls from Houston to Atlanta. He gets a bonus if he gets it there in under twenty four hours. He's speeding down the highway when he sees two black men walking with a bike. They flag him down and he pulls over. They ask him for a ride since their bike chain was broken. He asks them where they're headed. They tell him that they are headed to a small town in Louisiana. He says ""Hop in the back, that's right on my way…

I'm not saying it's a bad idea to bring an Ebola patient to Atlanta, I'm saying everyone should leave Atlanta because I've seen this movie....

Pope John Paul II... ...was on a tour of the United States some years ago. During a stop in Atlanta, an admirer presented him with a beautiful handmade ring. But somehow, in the hectic confusion of the tour, the ring was misplaced. "Don't worry, Your Holiness," said the pope's aide. "I'm sure it will turn up before we leave the States." The tour was so busy that the lost ring slipped everyone's mind. The pope and his entourage were on the jet, preparing for the trip back to Vatican City. …

[NSFW] On a midnight train to Georgia... A man and a woman, total strangers, find themselves sharing the same double bunk-bed passenger cabin on the 10:15 PM Amtrack express to Atlanta due to a mix-up at the ticket office. It's the middle of winter. There's frost on the window, and the shitty Amtrak maintenance means the heat is out. In the dim light of the passenger car, the two strangers can see each other's foggy breath as they try not to make eye contact in an obviously uncomfortable sit…

Two airplane mechanics Bob and Tim work at Atlanta airport. Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Bob and Tim have nothing to do. After work Bob and Tim usually have a drink on their way home, so Bob says to Tim, “I heard that you can get a buzz off drinking jet fuel.” Since they have nothing better to do, they try it. Finally, their shift is over and they get to go home. Next morning Bob calls Tim and says, “How are you feeling?” Tim says he's fine, never felt be…

HOW TO DRIVE IN ATLANTA 1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, Atlana. Old-timers are still allowed to call it Alana. 2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. 3. The minimum acceptable speed on I-285 is 80 mph. On I-75 and I-85, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'. 4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Atlan…

The new job A Miami man seeking employment is passing in front of a job recruiting office when is stops to read some of the jobs being offered. Suddenly he notices an intriguing offer. “WANTED: GYNECOLOGIST’S ASSISTANT” NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED JOB RESPONSIBILITIES, HELP THE PATIENTS UNDRESS, SHAVE AND PREP THE AREA OF EXAMINATION, HELP PATIENTS INTO THEIR EXAMINING GOWN, ASSIST PATIENTS ONTO THE EXAMINING TABLE. MAKE THEM FEEL COMFORTABLE SALARY $50K" The man goes inside to express his …

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam

Two airplane mechanics Bob and Tim work at Atlanta airport. Atlanta gets fogged in one night and nothing can take off or land so Bob and Tim have nothing to do. After work Bob and Tim usually have a drink on their way home

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks decided to have a pit stop at a brothel... A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks decided to have a pit stop at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam

The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly Sherman marched to the sea

How do you make an ugly kid? Go ask your mother Courtesy of a hot dog vendor in Atlanta

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk explains that $350 is…