Teacher Jokes

First year students at Medical School were receiving... First year students at Medical School were receiving Their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, ""In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."" The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuc…

Why was the pencil teacher always confused?

Logic Lesson A Fourth-grade teacher was giving a lesson and logic in class one day. ""Here's the situation"" she said."" A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in,and begin splashing around and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, and knowing he can't swim, runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"" A girl raises her hand and asks innocently ""to draw out all of the money?""

The two Propositional Logic professors at a local university are named Professor P and Professor Q. Police question Professor P about the identity of a criminal who has committed a series of heinous acts. P implies Q.

My friend's teacher everyone : Help me please! There's a little plane on my phone and I can't call! Should I call the pilot for him to delete it?

A guy and a blind german? He takes a long swig and when he approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun. A pig walks into a pharmacy and asks the clerk for a file. He began to tell his dad that he had told his wife what happened. The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do until he saw a war-zone scene in the bar.

So Mick Jagger has a pet frog... The frog decides he wants to buy a nice boat and sail the Caribbean, but he needs to take out a loan to pay for it. So he goes to the bank and talks to Ms. Paddiwack, the personal banker, about getting a loan. He explains that he is Mick Jagger's frog and all about the boat. Ms. Paddiwack asks him if he has any collateral for the loan. ""Oh, yes!"" the frog says, and he hands her a tiny, pink carving of an elephant. Ms. Paddiwack goes to her boss and says, ""Sir,…

Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, ""Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"" ""But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"" ""Johnny,"" the father said. ""You don't do those kind of things to women."" Sure enough, the very next sun…

What are some really stupid jokes? One I know is this: Spanish teacher: Kids, what is the ellos/ellas form of the verb sacar? Students: Sacan? Spanish teacher: SACAN DEEZ NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!

My teacher accused my of plagiarism on my calculus paper She said my work was very derivative

A B-grade nursing student asked the Professor of Urology for his opinion of her ""Urinate""

Pity Teacher writes down the word 'pity' on the blackboard. Suddenly, I think to myself ""Oh, it's what comes after forty-nine...""

An English teacher was sent to Germany to teach the German kids English words... On day one, he taught all the words that started with A. On day two, he taught all the words that started with B. After day three, which was words starting with C, he thought to himself, ""How are they going to handle D-Day?

The American Dream A teacher asks his students what there American Dream is. One kid says I want to be the president Another said I want a big happy family Then, the teacher asks the German exchange student if they had that sort of thing in his country and he replies; ""We had one but no one liked it.""

Oral exam A mother asks her son how the oral exam was. Son: ""Pious."" Mother: ""What do you mean?"" S: ""The professor asks a question, I cross myself. I give him an answer, he crosses himself.""

My drivers Ed teacher told me to pull over somewhere safe... Five minutes later he said, ""Why haven't you pulled over yet?"" I said, ""Because we're still in Detroit.""

Show you were thinking The teacher told the students that they were going to play a game. ""I've got something behind my back and I'm going to describe it and you guess what it is,"" she said. ""I'm holding something round and red. Can someone guess?"" ""An apple"" little Herbie said. ""No,"" said the teacher, ""but it shows you were thinking. Its a cherry. Now I am holding something round and orange. Can you tell me what it is"" ""An orange?"" little Herbie said. ""No,"" said the teacher, ""but…

So I was in class... ... And we were doing this hotseat - style thing where you were a fictional character and you had to take questions from an the ""Audience"" (the rest of the class) and when I had finished being herbert the pervert, freaking everyone out with the accurate voice, someone decided to come on as the joker, and when an audience member said ""Tell us a joke,"" one legendary member of our class shouted out, in a brilliantly done batman voice, ""YOUR LIFE STORY"" and everyone, inclu…

Cheating in Exams A substitute teacher walked into the classroom and said, ""All right students, your teacher wanted me to invigilate a pop quiz. Pass these around."" So the teacher invigilates the exam, and constantly sees this one student looking around and cheating, so when the exam is over and everyone dumps their exams on her desk and leaves, she calls the cheater over. ""Boy! come over here!"" ""Ok!"" ""I saw you cheating the entire exam, give me your test."" So he says in a very pompous v…

How do people finish graduating from a Journalist school? They have to answer one last question. That question is ""how do you do an excellent article?"" And the graduate answers ""well, I think you press ctrl-c."" ""Yes, go on,"" says the teacher. ""Then you press ctrl-v,"" says the graduate. Five minutes later it's the graduation ceremony.

A boy is asked if he knows the first 4 letters of the alphabet... So, he goes home and asks his mum what the first letter of the alphabet is - her reply being: ***""Shut up!""*** He later visits his brother, who is watching batman, and asks him what the second letter is. ***""NANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANANA BATMAN!""*** After that, he asks his dart-player-dad what the third is. He yells: ***""180!""*** For some reason, he then thinks that his little sister might know the 4th: ***IN …

A math teacher begs a simple question.. ""There are three birds sitting on a branch... If you shoot one of them with a rifle. How many birds would be left?"" Asks the teacher. Johnny, considering himself quite the intelligent one, offers his answer: ""well, ms.teacher... If you shoot a bird with a rifle... The loud gunfire would scare all the birds away and surely you would be left with none.."" The impressed teacher tells Johnny: ""That's not quite what I was getting at. You would be left with …

An exam in ornithology class. An ornithology class is about to take an exam. Every student is sitted in their chair, then, the teacher proceeds to give all a single bird claw to every student. - **Teacher**: Ok, I want you, with those meres claws, to identify when was born, when did it die and what bird species was alive. A student rises his hand: - **Student**: But how the actual hell can we know that with only a crap of claw?! - **Teacher**: So, Are you telling me you can not? - **Student**: O…

Four students wake up late for their Stats exam They show up to class half an hour late and use the excuse that the car they rode in got a flat tire. The Statistics professor allows them to take their test. The professor is skeptical, so he adds a question that they must all answer correctly at the end of their test for it to count. ""Which tire went flat?""

Who finds america? Funny Joke Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.