Teacher Jokes

Little Johnny hadn't seen his butt... One day, the teacher got angry at Johnny. And Spanked him hard on his butt. Later, he went to his house, took off his pants, stood in front of mirror and looked at his butt. He exclaimed,""Holy shit! He broke it in half""

A boy asks the teacher, ""what's infinity?"" Teacher: ""think of a number."" Boy: ""ok, I've got one."" Teacher: ""good, that's not it!""

Billy asks his teacher for a bathroom pass. ""If you Want a bathroom pass,"" says his teacher, ""you need to recite the alphabet first."" Billy needs to go really bad, so he recites It as quickly as he can. ""ABCDEFGHIJKLMMOQRSTUVWXYZ!"" The teacher responds, ""Almost, Billy, but where is the P?"" ""About halfway down my leg.""

Jimmy sleeps with his teacher... Jimmy comes home from school, and announces to his mother, ""Guess what! I just slept with my teacher!"". Furious, his mother orders him to his room and tells him to wait until his father gets home. An hour later, Jimmy's father arrives. ""Go upstairs, your son has slept with his teacher!"" Jimmy's father goes upstairs, pats his son on the back, and says, ""Jimmy, I am proud of you. Let's go and get that bike you always wanted!"" So they go to the store and the d…

Short Jokes compilation #1 Teacher: ""Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"" *Nobody stands up* Teacher: ""Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"" *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: ""Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"" Little Johnny: ""No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."" Police: where do u live? Me: with my parents Police: where does ur parents live? Me: with me Police: where do u all live? Me: together Police: where is ur house? Me: next to my neighbors…

Teacher to lil Donal Trump Teacher: what you want to be when you grow up? lil Donald: I want to be Donald Trump because I'm rich, very...rich.

What Should Make A Book Teacher: ""What Should Be In A Book To Make It A Bestseller?"" Jorkens: ""A Girl On The Cover & No Cover On The Girl""

Student: Can we postpone the test? It's on my birthday. Teacher: Well unlike your birthday, this test was planned ahead of time.

Teacher Student Teacher: Drinking More water is good or bad? Student: undoubtedly good maddam Teacher: Very Good So tell me, why we drink water? Student: because we cannot eat water ma`am, that is why we drink water

Who Found America Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.

Joke from my Property Law Professor We're discussing a hypothetical case where a woman named Claudia works on a Perdue factor farm. ""So,"" says my professor, ""in this case we have Claudia, who is employed as..."" *dramatic pause* ""a chicken tender.""

Hey teacher, i made a clock! ""Did you say Allahu Akbar?""

Sam, William, Richard and Ridge are sitting in an English class. Sam, William, Richard and Ridge are sitting in an English class and things are getting pretty boring. They're discussing the Victorian Period. Ridge is a math major, and he starts determining how much money it would cost to print the words on William's book on a giant plaque. William is making fun of him for being nerdy, and Sam is laughing at him because he is also a math guy. Ridge begins having a panic attack because it's gettin…

Outsmarting Teacher PUPIL: ""Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"" TEACHER:"" Of course not."" PUPIL: ""Good, because I haven`t done my homework.""

First Listen to Students than Teach Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an ""I"". Student: I is the.... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an ""I"". Always put 'am' after an ""I"". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

America Found Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map. Maria: This is it. Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America? Class: Maria did.

Mom , today my teacher punished me for something I didn't do. Once upon a time there lived a girl called Jennifer. One day when she came home from school she went straight to her Mom and said "" Mom , today my teacher punished me for something I didn't do. The mother was very angry and went straight to her teacher and scolded her , but she didn't ask Jennifer what she didn't do. When she came home she said ""I scolded your your teacher nicely for just scolding you "" then she asked ""by the way …

student: may i use the bathroom? Teacher: as long as you can recite the alphabet. Student: abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz Teacher: wheres the p? Student: running down my leg.

What jokes did you think were hilarious when you were a kid, but make you roll your eyes now that you're an adult? [NSFW perhaps?] For me, it's this gem... A kid is sitting in his classroom at school, and walks up to his teacher. He asks ""Will you take off your shirt?"" Of course the teacher says no. The boy says ""I'll cry!"" So the teacher agrees. A few minutes later the boy comes back and asks ""Will you take off your skirt?"" Again the teacher says no. ""I'll cry!"" So the teacher agrees. T…

What do you call a fat chemistry professor? A significant figure.

A boy goes to the principle to complain about bullying... -We take bullying seriously, Who bullied you and how? -Well, it's a constant thing, it starts when I first see them. It goes on all day, and by the end of the day I'm in so much agony I could die. -My boy my boy... We will take care of you, we want you to feel safe here. Now you must be brave and tell me, who's bullying you? -...Its the pretty girls, all of them really, and one teacher.. (looks down in shame) -All the pretty girls? A teac…

FINAL EXAM FAILURE Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't have a clue what I was doing (as cited on the final exam). There were 80 multiple choice questions. For some reason I decided to play the game of probability and choose the letter ""A"" for everything. In that game, the only thing probable was that I failed. The following day, the professor asked to see me after class. ""Is everything okay?"" ""Sure,"" I said, ""why? ""Well, here's your test,"" he said and handed me a piece of pap…

Gun, while only being a letter away from gum, is definitely not something that your teacher wants you to share with the rest of the class.

In my final years of education, I lost my virginity to my teacher I was home schooled

Teacher: ""When was Rome built?"" Pupil: ""At night."" Teacher: ""Why did you say that?"" Pupil: ""Because my dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!""