Teacher Jokes

My old physics professor: Times flies when you're having fun, Or as frogs say, times fun when you're having flies... That was a long semester

Morals and ethics Little Mick came home from school one day quite perplexed. 'Dad, the teacher was telling us about morals and ethics today and I still don't understand the difference. What is it?' 'Well son, you know that I am a solicitor so let me explain with an example. Let's say that old Mrs Murphy comes to me and asks me to write out a new will for her. Now she is old and can make the odd mistake. Say instead of a cheque for 100 Euros she makes it out for a 1000. Morals, son is, do I tell …

My Pre-Calculus teacher added another level to a well known joke today. His projector died, and he said that it kicked the bucket, so I said 'Do you want to know what my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket? ""How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?""' To which my teacher replied "" Then he had a heart attack, right?"" The entire class lost it.

Story about a blue fish. A boy was told to draw a blue fish for homework. The next day he brought the drawing back to school and showed it to the teacher, the teacher looked at it and told him to leave the class and go to the principal. At the principal's office the boy was asked why he was sent, the boy responded; ""Well I was told to draw a blue fish but as soon as the teacher saw it she sent me to you."" The principal asked to see the drawing and upon viewing it expelled the student from the …

TIFU by assigning a temporary history teacher to a math class Oops, wrong sub

A kindergarten class was playing outside during recess... When they came back in, Mrs. Samuels asked the first student Tommy, ""What did you do during recess?"" ""I played in the sandbox,"" replied Tommy. ""Great,"" said the teacher. ""If you can spell sand, you'll get a cookie."" So Tommy proceeded to spell S-A-N-D and got the cookie. Next, Mrs. Samuels asked another student, ""Sally, what did you do during recess today?"" Sally replied, ""I played in the sandbox with Tommy."" ""If you can spel…

Nasty African Joke: The virtues of paying attention to details: First year University of Kenyatta medical students were attending their 1st Anatomy Class. They all gathered around the table and there was a real dead body on the table. The Professor, Mwangi started the class by telling them two important qualities of a DOCTOR. He said, ""The 1st is that never be DISGUSTED about anything in the body."" For example, he inserted his FINGER in the dead body's ANUS & put the finger in his own mout…

My Mexican teacher asked for a 2 page essay, he wasn't happy when I brought him Juan. Thought this up in the car and thought the nice people of the Internet would want to know :)

My teacher told me I should stop being consecutively late to school... I guess she can't handle people who are Re-tardy.

Eleven There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him and addition question. So they uncle asked, ""What is three plus four?"" The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, ""Seven."" The uncle said, ""Listen kid, you cant count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands …

School. Billy: I'm sorry teacher, but I can't do this problem. Teacher: F*ck yourself, then. --The next day-- Billy: I'm sorry teach, but I just couldn't do that - my willy's not long enough! But my parents taught me how to do the problem. Teacher thinks for a while. Teacher: OK, let me help you. *undresses* Billy: ... Billy: Do you want me to show you the moves my parents also taught me?

Little kid recites ""Twas The Night Before Christmas"" For the grade school Christmas Pageant the teacher had one of the students memorize 'Twas the Night Before Christmas'. Unfortunately, the child fell sick the evening of the Pageant. But another kid stepped forward at the last moment and said he could do the recital. His performance proved to be a show stopper as he recited: ""More rapid than eagles his curses they came, And he whistled and shouted and called them bad names!""

Your answer is wrong but I like the way you think ;) A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, ""If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"" Johnny says, ""None."" The teacher asks, ""Why?"" Johnny says, ""Because the shot scared them all off."" The teacher says, ""No, two, but I like the way you think."" Johnny asks the teacher, ""If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licki…

A teacher asks his students Teacher- Is it possible to insert two holes in a hole? ;) Students- No sir... :/ Teacher:- Think about it today and tell me tomorrow, you may take help of your parents. :) Next day, no student could come up with an answer. Teacher- Oh! even your parents couldn't help you, it's very easy, I can do it in front of you. :P He then proceeded to join his index finger with his thumb, making a hole and then inserted his nose in it. Teacher- See how easy it was ^_^ Next day...…

The new teacher Ms. Crabtree.... The new teacher Ms. Crabtree has gotten tired of students arriving late to class. Bell rings, roll is taken, and in walks a late student. ""Please tell me your name and why you were late."" ""My name is Johnny. I'm late because I was blowing bubbles."" Another late student walks in and is also asked, ""Please tell me your name and why you were late."" ""My name is Eddy. I'm late because I was blowing bubbles."" Now a third late student comes in. ""What is your na…

Why students teen his teacher It was oral examination in the standard two. The class teacher asked various questions to the students. She asked Tom, Can you tell me a name of an animal that starts with alphabet E'? Tom replied ELEPHANT' Teacher asked him again to name an animal that starts with alphabet T'. Tom replied Two Elephants' Teacher asked him the same question. Tom replied Ten Elephants' Annoyed teacher, asked him name an animal that starts with alphabet M' Tom replied Mother Elephant' …

Teacher asked a question A teacher asked a student to write 55. Student asked: How? Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5! The student wrote 5 and stopped. teacher: What are you waiting for? student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!

And on another note... Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor.

Pi R Sqaured Bubba, now 16, gets to go to school for the first time. For the first week, he comes home every night and tells his Pappy how well he likes it, and how much ""book learnin'"" he is getting. Then on Monday, he gets up, laces up his brogan's and whistling, marches off to school. About noon, Pappy is out in the fields when he sees Bubba running up the road towards home. Knowing school doesn't get out until 2:00 PM, he hurries over, stops Bubba, and seeing the disgusted look on his face…

French Student Pierre just came to the U.S. and was instructed in his English class to come up with a phrase or saying using 3 English words he heard over the next weekend. He first went to the zoo and his favorite animals were the zebras, so he decided to try to use that word in his sentence. While at the zoo, he heard a mother singing to her child,""Hush little baby, don't say a word..."" Pierre decided he would include the word ""baby"" in his sentence as well. Also near the zoo was an airpor…

What do you call a teacher that's always late? Mr. Bus (think about it)

Johnny on his first day of high school Johnny sat in a circle with the rest of his new classmates on his first day of high school. Teacher: Now kids we're going to play a game so we learn a bit about each other. We're going to go around the circle and each person is going to tell me their name, favourite animal and who they'd take on a dinner date. The kids begin to take turns describing tigers, turtles, ariana grande and jim carrey, until it gets to Johnny. Johnny: Hi my name's Johnny, my favou…

A little boy was doing his math.... A little boy was doing his maths homework, sayin' himself, 2+5 the son of bitch is 7, 3+6 the son of bitch is 9 His mother heared this & asked ""what r u doing?"" Boy, ""doing my maths' homework"". Mom: & this is how ur teacher taught u? Boy: ""Yes"" Infurriated mother called the teacher: ""R u teaching maths to children by saying 2+2, the son of bitch is 4?"" Teachr started laughing & answerd: ""what I taught them was, 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4""

Help with telegraph/Morse code joke I am doing a presentation on the Telegraph and my teacher is a sucker for a good joke/pun. Any help?

My professor told me my writing reveals my erudite nature. I explained that my birthstone is actually amethyst.