Mrs Murphy Jokes

Poker Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, ""Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife... who will it be?"" They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. ""Di…

Morals and ethics Little Mick came home from school one day quite perplexed. 'Dad, the teacher was telling us about morals and ethics today and I still don't understand the difference. What is it?' 'Well son, you know that I am a solicitor so let me explain with an example. Let's say that old Mrs Murphy comes to me and asks me to write out a new will for her. Now she is old and can make the odd mistake. Say instead of a cheque for 100 Euros she makes it out for a 1000. Morals, son is, do I tell …

Pat and Mike were walking down the street when they came to the church Pat says 'Mike you wait here I'm going to run in for confession it's been a long time'. Pat enters the confessional and says' Father forgive me I have sinned with a married woman'. The priest asks 'was it Mrs Murphy'? 'no Father' was the reply. 'Was it Mrs O'Boyle'? Again the reply was 'No Father'. 'Was it Mrs. O'Grady'? Pat said Father I'll not be teling you the lady's name! So the priest told him to say two Hail Mary's f…

Murphy and his wife a middle-aged couple went for a stroll in the park. They say down on a bench to rest. They overheard voices coming from a secluded spot. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realized that a young man was about to propose. Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment she nudged her husband and whispered ""Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them."" Murphy said ""Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me.""

Delivering The Best Toast A contest was held to see who could deliver the best toast. Murphy won the contest for the best toast of the night, which was: "Here's to the best years o' me life, spent between the legs o' me wife." When he got home, his wife asked him how the Toastmasters meeting went. "I won the contest for the best toast of the night," he replied. She then asked what his toast was. He said, "Here's to the best years o' me life, spent in church with me wife." "How sweet of you t…

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment... ...when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife.. Who will it be?' They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'D…

Light a Candle Mrs. Murphy was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Brennan. The father said, "Aren't ye Mrs. Murphy, and didn't I marry ye and yer man two years ago?" "Aye, that ye did, father," she replied. Father Brennan asked, "and be there any wee little ones yet?" "No, no, not yet, father," she answered, eyes downcast. "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband," he told her. She replied, "oh, thank ye, father." The…