Teacher Jokes

Where did the English teacher and the student fight? in the MLA boxing ring

A student isn't paying attention in a Chemistry class. The teacher notices this. ""JOSEPH!"" She shouts. Joseph, the student, snaps his head up, to look at the teacher. ""Have you even heard a WORD I've said?!"" she yells. Joseph nods. ""Oh REALLY?! Then, I hope you won't mind telling me and the rest of the class the 116th element on the periodic table!"" Joseph looks at her blankly and goes, ""Uuh...""

My gym teacher said get in line or ill tip a cow. i asked ""how much money are you gonna tip the cow?""

Today, my teacher stated that he used to work for NASA. He told that class that he became a teacher because it paid more.

When the professor starts off the semester asking ""Why are you here?"" So I can get a job.

A Mexican kid passes a note to his friend in class. ""What do you think you're doing?"" the observant teacher asks. To which he replies... ""writing an ese""

Teacher: ""Which book has helped you the most in your life?"" Student: ""My father's check book!""

A student told the teacher when he grows up he wants power. The teacher replied well your gonna first need to learn algebra..lol

Why did Stephen get an A on his test? He held his teacher at gunpoint and forced her to give him a good grade despite the fact he got an F.

So, when it's your friend's birthday, you're a servant. But, when it's yours, you expect to be a king/queen for a day. Teachers, for the love of god, DO NOT make us write shitty ass fake cards to the teacher who nearly punched a kid's eye out. She must have been blinded by the candle.

""Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?"" One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks ""Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?"". His teacher replies ""NO"" Johnny moans and says ""But my mummy lets me"". ""OK then, just for tonight"" the teacher replies. Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks ""Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger"". She again says ""NO"". ""But my m…

My childhood joke Teacher: Why are you late? Student: Because of the sign on the road. Teacher: What type of sign? Student: The sign that says, ""School Ahead, Go Slow.""!

Chemistry teacher: What is Nitrate? Girl: My place, 250...your place 400!

Right And Wrong :D :P Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. ""All right children, let's take an example,"" Mrs Cameron said. ""If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"" Little Tony raises his hand, and with a confident smile says, ""You'd be his wife.""

My science teacher keep telling me My science teacher keeps telling me how bad I'm at science. She will be really pissed when I tell her I made a drug that could help humans live for over a light year.

Whoever tells the biggest lie Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, ""Why are you arguing?"" One boy answers, ""We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."" ""You should be ashamed of yourselves,"" said the teacher, ""When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."" The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

The teacher took away the kids rubber-band gun.. Because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Teacher Jokes Teacher If Cannot is short for cannot. What is Don""t short for? pupil. doughnut.

A teacher asked her class.. The meaning of control. The first child says ""a plane has control panels!"" The teacher says: ""That's nice, sit down. "" The second child stands up and says ""I can control the tv channel!"" The teacher says ""that's correct, sit down"" the third child says ""my dad pushed my gran down the stairs, then said: Look at that old *cuntroll*""

Chemistry joke as told by my teacher Organic Chemistry is hard, if you don't study for the test you'll be in alkynes of trouble.

What do you call a teacher who's always late? Mr Bus

Hurricanes are like a divorce in West Virginia There's lots of yelling and screaming, and somebody looses a trailer. -joke from my chem teacher today

What did the fat math teacher say after a large Thanksgiving dinner? (-1)/8! Edit: I clearly don't know how to math.

Porky In high school there was a student named Porky. Everyone at the school knew he was a stoner. One day our science teacher got pissed because everyone failed the test, except for Porky. She yelled ""Maybe you should all start smoking pot, because Porky here is the only one who passed the test!""

A 2nd grade class is learning about the five senses.... ...and the teacher starts by blindfolding a little boy and tickling him with a feather. ""What's that?"", she asked. ""Um, a feather?"", he replied. ""Very good!"" Next she blindfolded a little girl and proceeded to write on the chalkboard. ""Can you tell what I'm doing by what you're hearing?"" she asked. ""You're writing on the chalkboard."" ""Very good!"" Next she blindfolded a little boy and put a Hershey's Kiss in his mouth. ""Do you k…