Teacher Jokes

Little Johnny... The Way You Think Teacher: ""Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"" Little Johnny: ""None."" Teacher: ""Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"" Little Johnny: ""None."" Teacher: ""Can you explain that answer?"" Little Johnny: ""One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."" Teacher: ""Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think."" Little Johnny: ""Teacher, can I a…

My teacher thought my essay on Brokeback Mountain was irrelevant to the class. But he said he wanted an essay about the male gays in film!

only one answer..""ELEPHANT"" It was oral examination in the standard two. The class teacher asked various questions to the students. She asked Tom, Can you tell me a name of an animal that starts with alphabet E'? Tom replied ELEPHANT' Teacher asked him again to name an animal that starts with alphabet T'. Tom replied Two Elephants' Teacher asked him the same question. Tom replied Ten Elephants' Annoyed teacher, asked him name an animal that starts with alphabet M' Tom replied Mother Elephant' …

English Teacher: So class we're going to be talking about Biased today ""So Fox News?""

Pakistani Kid, American Kid Just read this one somewhere... A Pakisitani boy got admission in an American school. Teacher: What's your name? Boy: Ahmad Teacher: No, now you are in America your name is Johny from today. Boy went home. Mom Asked: how was the day Ahmad? Boy: I am an American now call me Johnny. Mom & Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school, all bruised . Teacher: What happened Johnny? Boy: Ma'am, just 4 hours after I became American, I was attacked…

Which body part goes to heaven first? Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said, ""I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."" The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, ""I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love."" ""Very good,"" …

I think my professor might not know my name. He keeps on correcting it with the word ""Late"" on all my papers.

Little Ian A teacher was testing children in a Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven. ""If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church,"" she asked them, ""would that get me into heaven?"" ""NO!"" the children answered. ""If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"" Again, the answer was 'No!' By now she was starting to smile. ""Well, then…

Little Johnny is sitting in class... and needs to go to the bathroom. So he puts his hand up and says, ""Teacher! I need to piss!"" The teacher says, ""OK, Johnny, you may use the restroom, but please do not use that word. How about, next time you need to use the restroom please use the word 'whisper' instead, and I will know you need to be excused."" ""Okay, Teacher,"" replies Johnny. Later that night, Johnny is home eating supper at the table with his mom and dad. ""Dad, I need to whisper,"" s…

Seven cats Teacher: ""If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"" Johnny: ""Seven."" Teacher: ""No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"" Johnny: ""Seven."" Teacher: ""Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"" Johnny: ""Six."" Teacher: ""Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another t…

Little bill came in from recess Little billy came from recess where he was greeted at the door by his teacher. ""how was your recess?"" he asked billy. ""it was good, I played in the sand box with little susan"" billy replied. ""that sounds lovely. If you can spell the word cat you can have an extra 10 minutes of recess"". ""c-a-t"" and off he went. Next in came little Susan. ""how was your recess little susan?"" ""oh it was good. I played in the sand box with little billy"". ""how nice, if you …

TIFU by hiring a footlong sandwich as a replacement teacher. Oops, wrong sub.

Giotto's father meets his son's teachers A true tale about the famous Italian painter Giotto di Bondone: Giotto's father wants to know more about his son's school performance, so he goes to the annual parent-teacher conference. He enters the Italian litterature teacher's office and says: ""H-hi, t-teacherr, I'm Gio-t-t-o'shh fa-ther, is m-my s-shhon d-doing w-well?"". The teacher looks at him with a disgusted face. ""What's wrong with this man? He speaks like somebody whose tongue has been cut o…

Boudreaux and Thibidoux The visitors should be read with a Cajun accent, while the professor should have a southern drawl. Boudreaux and Thibidoux head to A&M for an away game. They get there to take in College Station. They want to see Kyle Field before it gets packed, head over to the Memorial Center and see what their union is like, and check out a new campus. They get on campus and are a little lost. A professor in a lab coat sees the guys obviously confused and in LSU camo attire. He as…

Why did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Because the teacher said ""do your essay""

Teacher: ""Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?"" Student: ""A heart attack.""

What did people call the Nutty Professor before he became a professor? Mr. Peanut

A fourth grade teacher asks the class, ""Have any of you ever saved somebody's life?"" A little boy raises his hand, ""Yes, my little nephew's."" ""Wow, what a little hero you are! How did you do that, sweetie?"" asks the teacher. The little guy replies, ""I hid my sister's birth control pills!""

Blatant racial discrimination! Teacher asks the kids what they done at recess. *Teacher:* ""Timmy, what did you do?"" *Timmy:* ""I played with the ball"" *Teacher:* ""Very good Timmy. You come up to the board and write 'ball' "". *Teacher:* ""Sam, what did you do at recess?"" *Sam:* ""I played with Timmy, beside the tree."" *Teacher:* ""Very good, come up to the board and write 'tree' "" *Teacher:* ""Jamal, what did you do at recess?"" *Jamal:* ""I wanted to play with Sam and Timmy, but they wou…

My name is sun... lol New teacher joined in the school Teacher :- students tell your names nd hobbies .... 1st boy :- My name is arun . My hobby is watching moon . 2nd boy :- My name is arjun . And my hobby is watching moon . 3rd boy :- My name is vikas & hobby is watching moon . Teacher :- wow good good Everyones hobbies are same ... Ok .... Now girls turn ....... 1st girl :- Hello mam my name is moon ...... Teacher shocked ...... Boys rocked ......

A teacher was having an argument with her student They were discussing whether a whale could swallow a human whole. Teacher: It is physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human whole Student: But in the bible Jonah was swallowed by a whale Teacher: I still do not believe a whale could swallow a human whole Student: Fine when i go to heaven il go ask Jonah myself Teacher: And what if he went to hell? Student: Than you ask her

Little Johnny is in the classroom, learning how to add. ""How much is two plus two, Johnny?"" asks the teacher. Johnny hesitates, looks at his hand, and starts counting with his fingers: ""One, two, three, four!"" he exclaims. ""No, no. Johnny,"" says the teacher. ""You can't use your hands. You have to count in your head. So, how much is four plus four, Johnny?"" she asks again. Johnny hides his hands behind his back and whispering to himself, counts, ""One, two, three, four... eight!"" he shou…

Asking a question During the computer class, the teacher chastised one boy for talkingto the girl sitting behind him. ""I was just asking her a question, "" the boy said. ""If you have a question, ask me,"" the teacher replied. ""OK,"" the boy answered. ""Do you want to go out with me Friday night?""

You must never begin a sentence ""I is ..."". ESL teacher: You must never begin a sentence ""I is ..."". Clever student: Please sir, what's wrong with ""I is a vowel"".

A new female teacher goes to an all boys school Her surname is Frannie, scared that the boys might make fun of her name, she begs the principle to please remember to pronounce her surname with the 'r"" in it when she's introduced The next day, in assembly, the headmaster approaches the podium, asks her to stand up, and says ""Hey everyone , this is your new English teacher, Mrs Crunt""