Teacher Jokes

The lovely kids from a funny friend's facebook -------------- Teacher: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Clyde: No, sir; It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) -------------- Teacher: How old is your father? Kid: He is 6 years. Teacher: What? How is this possible? Kid: He became father only when I was born. (Logic! Children are quick and always speak their minds.) -------------- Teacher: Glenn, how to you spell 'crocodile'? Gle…

Russian Joke: Professor and a plumber A Moscow State University professor calls a plumber for clogged toilet. Once the plumber is done: - That would be $150 - What? I am a professor and even I don't make $150 for half an hour! - I know. When I was a professor, I didn't make that much either.

A little boy skips school... Grandpa: ""Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!!"" Little Boy: ""No you go hide because I told her you were dead!""

My high-school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart-shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription: ""BE MINE."" The following day, I received in return a valentine from the teacher. It read: ""Thank you, but it's still BE MINE-US.""

A new teacher joins school. She finds two boys Similar in appearance. Teacher asks: "" Twins "" ? . . . . . . . . Boy: No , "" NEIGHBOURS""

A Physics teacher was talking about the velocity of a falling ball A student asked, ""Is it an African ball or an European ball?""

Teacher: ""Your composition on the assignment ""My dog"" is exactly like your brothers... ...did you copy it?"" Boy: ""No, it's the same dog!""

Teacher One day our country will be corruption Free tells which tense is it? Student .Tense Impossible

Mr Peg, my Digital Photography teacher, just passed away. Rest in peace Jay.

An English professor told his class that they wouldn't be meeting for a few weeks. ""I don't want you to worry,"" said the professor, ""but I'm going to be out for a while. My doctor found some tumorous neoplasm on a CAT scan and wants me to have it removed before it develops into cancer."" The students started muttering, but one of the snarky pre-med students in the back of the classroom raised his hand. ""Professor, that was redundant. Neoplasm and tumors are the same thing. I doubt any doctor…

Little Johnny casts his vote A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Trump voters. Not really knowing what an Trump voter is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny. The teacher asked little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again. Little Johnny said, ""Because I'm not an Trump voter."" The teacher asked, ""Why aren't you a fan of Donald Trump?"" Johnny said, ""Because I'm a Democrat."" The teacher asked him w…

I complimented my chemistry professor, who's from Germany, ""Sir, you're so effervescent."" He replied, ""Did you effer see me when I effer vasn't?""

In shop class... student: where do you keep your nails? teacher: on my hands, where else?

Guaranteed to make you smile. Teacher asked Johnny ""What's wrong?"". Johnny says: Our house is very small. Me, my mum and my dad sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny, are you asleep?' I say No & he slaps my face & gives me a Black eye Teacher:- Tonight, when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet & don't answer. The following morning Johnny comes back with a severe black eye again. Teacher:- My goodness why the black eye again? Johnny:- Dad asked me if I was asleep.…

During Social Science my teacher was talking about urbanization and asked what happens when too many people move to the same place. She called on me and I answered **""Donald Trump.""** ^^^^^^^^I ^^^^^^^^know ^^^^^^^^that ^^^^^^^^terrorism ^^^^^^^^is ^^^^^^^^the ^^^^^^^^other ^^^^^^^^reason, ^^^^^^^^but ^^^^^^^^for ^^^^^^^^the ^^^^^^^^sake ^^^^^^^^of ^^^^^^^^this ^^^^^^^^joke ^^^^^^^^I ^^^^^^^^rest ^^^^^^^^my ^^^^^^^^case. ^^^^^^^^Only ^^^^^^^^now ^^^^^^^^I ^^^^^^^^realize ^^^^^^^^this ^^^^^^^^e…

The year is 2540, a student in history class notices something off about his textbook... ""How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999?"" The teacher puts his air marker down on the table, lowers his head, and sighs. ""because..."" he lifts his head, a singled tear rolls down his cheek, ""... only 90's kids remember the 90's""

answer This is too all high school teacher, What is the worst thing that you've seen your student doing?

My teacher told me that Japan had a homogeneous population. If Japan's so genius, how come they haven't figured out that the homo part's the cause of their declining birthrates?

A College Scholar A college scholar stood at the top of a building, ready to commit suicide. On the ground, far below, his physics professor looked up at him. He knew that his student was going to do great things and now it was all about to be over as he stood on top of that building. The student jumped, killing himself. The physics professor, now disappointed, said, ""You know, I saw a lot of potential in him.""

My physics teacher is the chord slope of an a-t curve The average jerk

Two boys walk in late to class one day... Two boys walk in late to class and the teacher asks ""Martin, Juan, why are you two so late?"" Martin says ""you see, I was having this fantastic dream where I was traveling the world! I visited so many countries and learned so many new things, I didn't want to wake up! That is why I'm late."" The teacher turns to Juan and asks ""and you Juan, Why are you late?"" Juan says ""I picked Martin up at the airport."" Edit: Wrong name in the last sentence. Went…

My history teacher found a tampon He's still trying to figure out what period it's from.

Suzy is sleeping in Sunday school when... The teacher asks the class: Who created the heavens and the earth? Little boy behind Suzy pokes her with a pencil. ""Good God"", Suzy exclaimed. ""Very good Suzy. Now who can tell me who saved us from our sins?"" the teacher asked. Little Johnny pokes Suzy again. ""Jesus Christ!"" she shouts. ""Very good Suzy. I'm glad you're answering so strongly. Now, what did Eve day to Adam after their last child?"" the teacher asked hoping to stump her students. Lit…

Two students, James and John, were given a writing assignment... They were each to write a sentence describing a man who, in the past, suffered from a cold. James wrote ""The man had a cold,"" but the teacher said that was incorrect. John wrote ""The man had had a cold,"" which the teacher was pleased with. So: John, while James had had ""had,"" had had ""had had."" ""Had had"" had had a better effect on the teacher.

clever pupil makes fool his teacher PUPIL: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? TEACHER: off course not. PUPIL: good, because I didn't do my homework.