Teacher Jokes

A math professor and one of his students go to a local pub soon the professor starts complaining about how nowadays youngster don't have a clue about derivation and integration. The student doesn't like that so when the professor goes to the toilet he summons the nearby waitress and tells her that when he will later ask her something she simply anwers the question with x^3 /3. The confused waitress agrees and walks away. Later the professor comes back and returns to complaining, while the studen…

Noddy A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school ... Teacher : Whats your name ? Boy : Nadir Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is nodee from today. Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Nadir? Boy : I am an American now, so call me nodee. Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised ... Teacher : What happened nodee ? Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.

The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid *Nobody stands up* Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID! *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid? Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing.

Teacher and John Teacher: John. Give me a sentence beginning with ""I"". Paul: I is the... Teacher: No, John . You must say ""I am"" not ""I is."" John: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

The preschool teacher says, ""We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"" Mary raises her hand and exclaims, ""Me me me!"" The teacher says, ""Go ahead, what's the sentence? Mary replies, ""The sky is definitely blue."" ""That's good, Mary,"" says the teacher, ""but the sky can also be gray or white."" Sam raises his hand and states, ""Grass is definitely green."" The teacher says, ""That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."" Jim raises his hand a…

The exam at the law faculty: Professor: In accordance with the legislation notarially certified copy of the document has the same force as the original.Can you give a situation where this rule does not work? Student: For instance, if I try to purchase any of the goods in the store, upon presentation of a notarized copy of the hundred-dollar bill.

Skills shortage in heaven Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; ""It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."" ""Yeah,"" Satan replies. ""All the more for me!"" God replies, ""You better send them up here immediately."" Satan says, ""No way. I'm keeping them."" God says, ""Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."" Satan laughs , ""Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?""

My teacher said I'd end up working in McDonald's. Well, look who's laughing now. The guy's ordering chicken off me in KFC.

Zoology teacher was asked to substitute history teacher's class since he was on leave.. And so he did.. Describe Shahajahan's wife Mumtaz with a neat diagram and label the parts

Atoms are all liars... They make up everything! Credit to wherever my awesomely lame chemistry teacher finds her corny jokes :)

A teacher catches her student listening to music in her class... and walks over to him. She threatens to take his phone away, but he says he wasn't listening to any music. Doubtful, she puts an earbud in her ear and hears Lil' Wayne music. ""Yep... sorry you're right. You weren't listening to any music.""

A teacher encourages any student who think's they're stupid to stand up. A teacher is teaching a history class with a medium sized class of about twenty kids when she says, ""Anyone who thinks they're stupid may stand up!"" Confused and possibly embarrassed, none of the students stand up. The teacher, belligerent, states, ""I'm sure there are some stupid students over there!"" One student named Lil' Jack stands up aggressively and silently, while all of the other students watch in awe. The teach…

Little Johnny asks to go to the bathroom The teacher says that before you go, you must say the alphabet. So Johnny starts ""ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ"". The teacher says "" that's very good Johnny but what about the P?"" Johnny replies, ""It's running down my pants. ""

Dear students, I know when you're texting Seriously, no one just looks down at their crotch and smiles. Sincerely, your teacher.

Bathroom Boy: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz Teacher: Where's the p? Boy: ""Half way down my leg.

Daniel decides to open a camping supply business... A student named Daniel has just graduated college with a degree in business. His dream is to combine his love of the outdoors with his new knowledge and he decides to open a camping supply store. He decides that in order to stand out from the competition, he needs to do some things differently. He decides that at his store customers will be allowed to design their own tents and customize their camping gear. He even decides on a catchy name, ""Y…

Little Johnny... Little Johnny was at school, when his teacher presented him with a question. ""Johnny, if there are five birds sitting on your porch, and you throw a rock at one of them, how many birds will you have left?"" Little Johnny replied, ""Well none, because if you throw a stone at one, they all would fly away."" The teacher corrected little Johnny and said, ""Well no, you would have four birds, but I like the way you think."" Johnny accepted his correction. Later that day, Little John…

Kids parents jobs One day in class the teacher asked the kids what their dads did for a job. The teacher first asked little Albert what his dad did... ""My dads a fireman"" said Albert The teacher then asked little Susie... ""My dads a police officer"" said Susie The teacher then asked little johnny what his dad did... ""My dads dead"" said johnny The teacher then asked ""well what did he do before he died"" Little johnny said ""he turned green and shat on the carpet""

A Professor of Mathematics and a Professor of Physics are in the staff room ... A Professor of Mathematics and a Professor of Physics are in the staff room when the coffee machine bursts into flames. The Physics Professor jumps up, grabs the fire extinguisher and extinguishes the flame. The Mathematics Professor watches the whole thing without any reaction. Years later, the same two professors are in the same staff room when again the coffee machine bursts into flames. This time, the Mathematics…

Professor X can move objects with his mind If Professor X can move objects with his mind, why can't he make his legs move??

A teacher assigns her class an essay about the police. One little boy, Johnny, turns in his essay with two words written on his paper: ""They're bastards."" The teacher is so surprised at his response, that she calls Officer Friendly to help with the situation. Officer Friendly decides to pick Johnny up from school and show him around the police station. He shows him the jail cells, the evidence locker, the firing range. He takes him out in the squad car and shows him the sirens, the flashing li…

At Christmas my Professor came to class dressed as Santa... As he enters the room he turns to the class and loudly shouts ""Ho, Ho, Ho"", I remember thinking that it was an odd way to address the 3 ladies in the front.

What do you call a hot high school math teacher? Expansion of minors

What did little John Cena say to his primary school teacher when she gave him his report card? You can't C me!

A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor... a barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor taking a journey together. They have to camp overnight, so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says ""How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me.""