Teacher Jokes

Teacher and Student Teacher: Why are you late? Student: Because of the sign on the road. Teacher: What type of sign? Student: The sign that says, ""School Ahead, Go Slow.""!

Burger Day 1 A few days ago I was at school and the teachers asked everybody what their favorite animal was. I replied burger, then she told me I wasn't funny. Then I was sent to the principal's office. He laughed and said not to do it again Day 2 The teacher asked me again what my favorite animal was, I replied cow. She asked why, and I replied that it could be turned into a burger. She sent me to the principal's office once again. This time I was sent home, My parents told me not to lie. But I…

Best joke in class So my teacher says: ""all men are the same"" and a classmate says to her: ""oh, so youve tried all of them so you know?""

A barber, a bald man, and a professor are on the road... [JOKE FROM ANCIENT ROME] A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor taking a journey together. They have to camp overnight, so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says ""How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me."" ^http://www.thegu…

My geography teacher told us this one yesterday, after mentioning how biologically it makes sense for girls to wear pants and boys to wear skirts. How many blackbirds can you fit under a Scottish mans kilt? Depends how big the perch is.

English class...... Teacher. One day our country will be corruption free. which tense is it?? student. Future impossible tense.

My fourth grade teacher told me I would use cursive at least once a week, but she was wrong. I use it every day when food is delivered to my house.

Behind Every Successful man. Teacher: Behind every successful man there is a women what do we learn from this? Student: we should stop wasting time in studies and find a woman.

In the middle of math class... The teacher was enthusiastically describing the Quadratic equations, claiming it would be everyone's favorite thing in math because of its usefulness. Eventually he came to the point of the class where he stepped the students through an example problem. He set up the problem and said, ""Now, we need to use your new favorite thing to solve this problem. And everyone's favorite thing in math is...."" (he gestured enthusiastically to the class). After a short silence,…

The teacher asked the class to make up a poem. Mrs. Krabappel asked the class to make up a poem with the word fascinate in it. Millhouse was up first and he said, ""I really like my mom, I think that she is great, she tells us lots of stories that always fascinate."" ""Good job Millhouse"" she said, ""Ok who's next?"" Lisa put up her hand and was called up. ""My step-grampa was in the war and even though were not related, he also tells me stories and I am always fascinated"" ""Great job Lisa, yo…

Student roasted teacher. A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped up about the Super Bowl. ""It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?"" ""Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too,"" says the student. ""Well, that's a lousy reason,"" says the teacher. ""What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?"" ""Then I'd be a football fan.""

I lost my virginity to my teacher yesterday. Unfortunately, I'm home-schooled.

Teacher: ""what does the fat cow give you?"" Student: ""Homework!""

I was attending an economics lecture... ...and the professor was giving an example of an excise tax: ""...tires have an excise tax that varies from state to state. Illinois, for example, has a flat excise tax of $25 per tire."" I don't know, but that seems a little inflated.

Little Johnny has to write a story about someone in his family who does something amazing... The next day, he returns and tells the class that his father eats lightbulbs. ""How do you know that?"" asks his teacher. ""I heard him say it. He and Mom were in the bedroom and he said, 'I'll only eat that thing if you turn out the light.'""

A Physics student is standing on the roof of a building preparing to leap to his death.... His professor calls out to him, ""Stop! You have so much potential!""

I'm speechless. t was oral examination in the standard two. The class teacher asked various questions to the students. She asked Tom, Can you tell me a name of an animal that starts with alphabet E'? Tom replied ELEPHANT' Teacher asked him again to name an animal that starts with alphabet T'. Tom replied Two Elephants' Teacher asked him the same question. Tom replied Ten Elephants' Annoyed teacher, asked him name an animal that starts with alphabet M' Tom replied Mother Elephant' The angry teach…

I was in love with a girl in the kindergarten. We went to the toilets to show each other what we have under the pants. It was awesome but one time the teacher saw us and I don't work there anymore. (straight from facebook comments, but i thought i should share it)

If Hitler were a black supremacist English teacher what would the Holocaust be called? White-out.

Teacher asks for a word in a sentence (NSFW) Teacher asks the class to think of a sentence with the word contagious in it. Jimmy raises his hand - 'Go ahead Jimmy' 'Yesterday we went to collect Grandad, but the cunt took ages'

teacher question The teacher asked his student: Does the wild fox gives birth or lays egg ? The student said: the fox is a sly !! you should expect anything from him !!

I once fell in love with an English Teacher.... ...I wrote her a love letter and she corrected it.

If I was a sick professor giving a lecture... Ibuprofen

What do you call a teacher who doesn't flatulate in public. A private tutor. -Credits to my cousin ;)

A teacher asked all of her students to draw a picture... She walks around looking at every student's drawings and she sees one kid who didn't draw anything on his paper. The teacher asked him, ""Why didn't you draw anything?"" The kid said, ""I did, I drew a cow eating grass,"" The teacher then said, ""Where is the grass?"" Student responds, ""The cow ate it."" The teacher then replied, ""Well, where is the cow?"" The student the responded to the teacher, saying, ""I don't know he came, he ate, …