Teacher Jokes

Those childhood days(real incident) I am sharing my childhood event and this makes me laughs hilariously Teacher (on phone): You say Edward has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking? Voice: This is my father.

Read it in an Irish accent for full effect !? Teacher asks her class to give her a sentence containing the word CONTAGIOUS ! Little Mary says, "" my mum has flu and it is very contagious "" ! ""Very good"" says the teacher, "" what's your sentence Patrick "" ? ""The Black Plague killed thousands of people because it was contagious "" ! "" Excellent "" says the teacher aware that little Johnny had his hand up ! She couldn't ignore him anymore and eventually asks Johnny what his sentence is ! "" O…

The Climate of New Zealand Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand? Matthew: Very Cold, sir. Teacher: Wrong. Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

Scientists recently did a study on the effects the right side and left side of a brain had on counting. They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10. He says, ""2, 4, 6, 8, 10"". They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking him to count to 10 again. He says ""1, 3, 5, 7, 9"". Finally they decided to just go for it and removed the whole brain. They again asked him to count to 10 one more time. He says, ""Look. I'm great at counting to 10, ok…

Nice Joke A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, ""If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"" Johnny says, ""None."" The teacher asks, ""Why?"" Johnny says, ""Because the shot scared them all off."" The teacher says, ""No, two, but I like how you're thinking."" Johnny asks the teacher, ""If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice …

Jokes (Water) Teacher: What is the formula for water? Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.

Two cannibals are eating a math teacher. Another approaches, and asks.. ""Hey, can I have sum?""

Einstein, Casals, Picasso, and George W. Bush die and go to heaven. St. Peter is waiting for them, and requests identification. Einstein, who is first in line, says ""I don't have any ID, but I can explain the equivalence of matter and energy."" He is given a blackboard and proceeds to give an eloquent explanation of one of his most famous theories. ""Only Einstein himself could explain this so well,"" says St. Peter. ""Step right in, professor. Next?"" Then Casals, who is next in line, says ""I…

On Top Of Cherry Hill Three kids were late for their first junior high class. The first student, a boy, enters the classroom Teacher: Why are you late? Boy: I'm sorry! I was on top of cherry hill. The second boy enters about ten minutes later. Teacher: Why are you late? Boy 2: Sorry! I was on top of cherry hill. A third kid enters the classroom, a girl.... Teacher: Let me guess. You were on cherry hill too? Girl: No? But my name is Cherry Hill.

Conversation with my Dad. Me: ""The teacher was talking about strangling a student today!"" Dad:""She was probably just choking.""

Why was the algebra teacher arrested on drug charges? He was caught doing lines of math!

My old math teacher used to dress pretty casually. So one day, when I walked into class they were all dressed up, suit, tie, etc. I strolled up to them and asked, ""What's the equation?""

My friend lost his virginity to his teacher when he was only 13 years old. A pretty impressive feat, especially for someone who was homeschooled.

At a Catholic school, a class of children are asked... Teacher: ""If there are three birds sitting on a wire and one of them gets shot, how many birds are left?"" Girl: ""There are two birds left!"" Teacher: ""Correct. What about you Johnny?"" Johnny: ""Zero."" Teacher: ""That is wrong. How do you get zero if only one bird was shot?"" Johnny: ""Simple. When the bird was shot the other two flew away."" Teacher: ""That's a smart answer but it isn't right."" Johnny: ""Okay, how about this?"" *He re…

People always get disgusted when I say I slept with my teacher... I think it's because I was home schooled.

A teacher once asked three students to say a sentence that included pink, and yellow, and gree. The American kid says, ""I play in a pink dress with my yellow ball outside my green yard."" The Mexican kid says, ""I have green, yellow, and pink markers in my backpack."" The Asian kid thought for a while and said, ""The phone goes Green, Green, Green, so I pink up the phone and said 'Yellow?!' ""

Just another day in math class Teacher - what is 0.1 as a fraction Student - 1/10th Teacher - good, now what does 10% mean? Student - low battery plug in your phone

Teacher asks, ""If you could be president for 48 hours, how many of you would be able to sleep?"" One student raised his hand. The teacher addressed the student, ""You think you would be able to sleep through that responsibility?"" The student responded, ""I would be sleeping. With ever girl ever.""

Each person in class had to write a sentence (Cuban joke) So the teacher asked everyone to read their sentence and she gets to Pepito ""Pepito what did you write today?"" So he responds ""Today the most amazing thing happened, my cat gave birth to six communist cats."" ""That's a wonderful story Pepito, great job."" The next day the teacher again asks everyone to write their own sentences, and again she asks everyone to read theirs and finally Pepito. ""Now what did you write today Pepito?"" So …

A kindergarten teacher is wandering in the town... A kindergarten teacher is wandering the town, when she sees a man she recognizes, and says hello. The man, looking back at her, asks if they know each other. The woman blushes and replies ""Oh, I thought you were the father of one of my children"".

Data Today, a CS professor asked us what data is. Apparently, even though technically correct, the plural form of datum was not the answer he had in mind...

A lesson at a Soviet school During a political lesson at a Soviet school the teacher asks her class, ""Children, do you see God?"" ""No"" reply the pupils in unison. ""Good"" says the teacher, ""that means there is no God"" Vovochka yells from the back of the class, ""And can you see Mariya Ivanovna's brain? ""No"" reply the pupils ""Well, that sure as hell doesn't mean it's not there""

Bob and Joe were sitting in their math class one day... (x-post r/unexpectedfactorial) Bob and Joe were sitting in their math class one day when their teacher suddenly shouts ""Pop quiz! If you don't answer this question correctly, then you will fail the class"" Both Bob and Joe are taken aback. The teacher turns to Joe, ""Joe! Quickly, how many seconds are there in six weeks?"" Joe takes a few seconds to think about it, and then with a smile on his face quickly exclaims, ""there are exactly 10!…

Did you hear about the math teacher who forgot his lunch money? He buynomeal

My driving teacher asked me where the gas is: ""Second door on the right.""