Teacher Jokes

First Day of Class (long) It is the first day of class and the teacher is taking role. One girl does not respond so he asks her what her name is. She says, ""My name is Happy Butt."" The teacher tells her that her humor is inappropriate and to go to the principal's office. After walking into the principal's office he asks, ""What are you doing here?"" She replies, ""My name is Happy Butt and my teacher sent me to your office because he does not believe that is my real name."" The principal says …

professor gave us a 2000 word essay... So I gave him two pictures.

A Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first? A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming ""OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD

Little Timmy and lateral thinking... In class the teacher asks Timmy ""There are five birds perched on a branch. The hunter shoots one. How many are left?"" Timmy: ""None madam."" Teacher: ""No. Listen. Five birds on a branch, the hunter shoots one...How many are left?"" Timmy: ""None madam. The others got scared and flew away."" Teacher: ""It's not the correct answer but I like how you think."" The next day Timmy walks to his teacher and asks: Timmy: ""There are three women sitting on a bench, …

Little Timmy wasn't in school When Little Timmy went to school, his teacher asked him: ""Timmy, for the last 2 days you weren't at school. Why is that""? Timmy got up and replied: ""Well, my family is really poor, and I have only got one pair of underpants, so when they got washed, I had to wait for them to dry, and I can't go to school without underpants! The teacher nods and replies: ""Well, that is an excuse for only one day. Why didn't you come the next day?"" Timmy smiles and proclaims: ""W…

Teacher offers middle school students a monday absence. If.... ...Anyone can use the term 'definitely' properly in a phrase. So Sarah raises her hand, and says ""The sky is definitely blue."" Teacher tells her: ""That's a very good response! But, sometimes the sky turns rather pink, or it gets dark out, and the sky gets black. Anyone else?"" After some silence, Ted raises his hand. ""The grass is definitely green"", he declares. ""Now that's an excellent one!"" The teacher declares. ""But when i…

I had an art teacher in school who didn't believe in deodorant boy was he an aroma to be around

Four college students missed an important exam They went together to their professor the next day, and said, ""We're so sorry we missed the exam. We had a flat tire on the way to class. Is there any way we could possibly take a re-test?"" ""Sure,"" replied the professor. ""Come on in tomorrow, and you can all take a retest. It'll be Pass/Fail though."" The four students arrived the next day to take the retest, and all of them sat down in their seats. Before handing them their exams, their profes…

Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: ""Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"" Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. ""Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"" Mary stands up, blushing furiously. ""How dare you ask such a question?"" she says. ""I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, wh…

A math teacher invented something. A math teacher invented the worlds first underwater bulldozer. He called it his 'Sub-tractor.'

[JOKE] Why did the guitar teacher get arrested? For fingering A minor.

Down in Jackson, Mississippi, three boys arrived in school late. It was as late as10:00 a.m. They had been fishing. For their excuse they stated that they were delayed because of a flat tire. The teacher decided to give them a test immediately, so she had them seated apart from one another. She said, ""This test will have only one question, and I will give you thirty seconds to put down your answer."" The question was, ""Which tire?

Solution to overpopulation Professor : ""Over population is a big problem in our country. A woman in India gives birth every minute!"" Student : ""Somebody should stop her!!""

[NSFW] Oblivious Spanish Teacher Our Spanish 3 teacher came from Costa Rica and doesn't understand a lot of figure of speeches in English. In our class today, she assigned the class into groups and had them write a story in the preterite / imperfect with a conflict in it. One of the groups went up in front of the class to present. There's one person reading, one person sitting on a chair, and one standing. The person sitting says in Spanish ""I am beating my meat"" and proceeds to take his fist …

So my biology teacher asked me what are in cells... I said ""black people"" and somehow that wasn't right

My teacher told me that I am unique But when I told my mom what my teacher said she replied,"" Sweetie, just because you are autistic doesn't make you special"".

Little Timmy is asked by his teacher "" Timmy how do you spell school?"" Timmy responds "" S K O O L ""..... The teacher says "" that is not correct . It's spelled S C H O O L "". ...... Little Timmy replies "" Well , you asked how I spelled it""

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail. Little Johnny says, ""De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail.""

A teacher wants to make sure non of her students feel stupid... So she walks to the front of class and says "" if any of you feel dumb please stand up."" A minute goes by of silence before little Johnny stands up ""Why do you think you are stupid?"" To which little Johnny replies "" I don't feel stupid I just felt bad that you were the only one standing up""

Once upon a time ..a small boy named Peter lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him ""you are driving me crazy, Peter""... One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career... The mother could not accept such a feed back and she took her son o…

What's the difference between a sadist and a math teacher Nothing

A boy walked into class 20 minutes late and really high. My teacher asked him why he was so late and he said, ""I don't know, I think there were more stairs than usual.""

TIL that my chemistry professor is a zoophile I walked in on him while he was in his lab

Did you hear about the geometry teacher who tried to take a selfie? It was a protracted process but eventually he found the right angle.

What to do during earthquakes... Teacher: Class, what should you do if there is an earthquake? Tonio: Turn on the light, Sir! Teacher: How come? Tonio: Sir, everynight there's an earthquake in our hut, but it stops when I turn on the light.