Teacher Jokes

8-year old Alex had a crush on his teacher, so he stayed behind in recess. The teacher asked Alex if something was wrong, since he wasn't out with the others. ""It's because I'm in love with you, Alex told her. ""Well,"" the teacher replied - ""What If I don't like small children?"". ""Then...we'll just have to be careful, I guess"".

Covering the newest trump scandle in class Teacher: there are some things that guys compare in the locker room Me: like hand size

Teacher asks Girl: Which part of Human body Expands 10 times its normal size..? Girl: I can't answer this question I feel shy...! Teacher asks same question to a boy. Boy replies: Its the Pupil of Human Eye. Teacher: Right! Then turns to the girl: Listen girl your thinking is wrong and your expectations are too high.

Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework? Student: No, he did it all by himself.

6th grade class The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, ""Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"" No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, ""You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"" Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, ""Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"" Little Mary's m…

I did really well in my math class My professor said I was on the top of the bell curve.

Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher: ""can kids of our age have kids?"" Teacher replied "" NO Never!!"" Boy said to girl : ""see i told you not to worry!!!!"".

Post your best oceanography jokes, the cornier the better Trying to befriend an oceanography teacher, puns always work for science teachers (proven fact) therefore, I need your corniest oceanography puns/jokes [teacher is male]

The Whistler. One day in a well known university, a senior professor started his class on a very serious topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the whistler's name ............. As usual and as expected no one answered. The professor peacefully kept the pen in his pocket and picked up his bag. Saying that, the lecture ends here and that was enough for the day, he started moving towards the gate of the class .....…

I think my Maths teacher might have some relationship issues... She keeps asking us to find her 'x'.

The physics teacher break up with the biology teacher Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry.

In law school... Professor: What is fraud? Student: If you don't let me pass the exam, you've committed fraud. Professor: (surprised) how so? Student: According to the law, those who take advantage of others' ignorance to cause them losses are committing fraud.

My physics teacher told me a joke today A physicist, a poet and a politician are sentenced to death by guillotine during the French Revolution. The poet is picked first. He stands by as the blade is raised, then he is asked, ""Would you rather be face up or face down?"" ""Down,"" he says. They place him in the guillotine, the blade is raised, there is a drum roll, and the executioner pulls the cord releasing the blade... and it hangs up halfway down! Now, there was (in this story) a rule against…

My teacher asked me if I knew any anagrams of ""denied"". I said, ""Indeed"".

Little Johnny was sitting in his second grade class when he looked out the window and saw two dogs screwing in the school yard. He jumped up and hollered, ""Hey, everyone look at that"" The teacher ran to the window and pulled the blind. A little girl in the front row said, ""Teacher, what was those two dogs doing? The teacher said that the dog on top had a broken leg, and the dog on the bottom was helping him get home. Little Johnny then said, ""Teacher, ain't that just like life, you try to he…

A philosophy professor stood before her class and had some items in front of her... When the class began, silently she picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks. She then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. She then asked the students again if the jar was full. …

A young boy uses the bathroom in school and wipes his ass with his hand when there's no toilet paper... ... Since he had nothing to wipe with, he comes back to the classroom with his hands cupped, hiding the shit. The teacher notices and asks him, ""what do you have in your hand?"" ""Oh don't worry,"" the little boy says. ""It's a little leprechaun."" ""Now don't lie to me, show me what you have in your hand."" replied the teacher. ""I told you, it's a little leprechaun. If I show him to you, he…

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading, ""WHERE AM I?"", and hold…

The Inflatable Boy, from the inflatable family goes to the inflatable School. One day, being a smart arse, he decides to take a pin to the inflatable School but he gets caught by the inflatable Teacher. The inflatable Teacher sends him to the inflatable Principal, the inflatable Principal gives him a stern look and says - ""Son, you have let yourself down, you have let me down, you have let your family down, you have the whole school down. EDIT : typo

A teacher asks three of his students a question ""In your own words, what does capitalism mean?"" The American student asks ""What does 'define' mean?"" The Russian student asks ""What does 'capitalism' mean?"" The North Korean student asks ""What does 'in your own words' mean?""

Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher. She says, ""Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an ""r"" after the first letter."" The entire class says, ""Hello Mrs. Prussy."" A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, ""I remember it has an ""r"" after the f…

My statistics professor is certain he will get in shape this year. He's doing confidence intervals.

My music teacher at school told me never to hit a drum again or I could get in serious trouble. I did, and he was right. There was serious re-percussions

A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar. *[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*

Every year there's a teacher I hate. The past three years it's been my 10th grade teacher.