Teacher Jokes

I had a terrible cross-eyed teacher in primary schoool She could never keep her pupils under control.

A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber. The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, ""How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck."" But he pays it anyways. The plumber tells him, ""Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumber and triple your salary. Just make sure you …

The classroom was silent. Mrs Smith was handing out to students their last homework sheet. As she did it, she wrote the word plenipotentiary on the whiteboard. Then she turned around and said, "" Attention boys and girls. This word is almost hardest English word in the world. So, your job is to put this word into a sentence. I'll give you an example for flower. ""In the middle of the circle was a large teardrop shaped flower garden"". You see? Nice and easy. Now, whoever made a sentence for the …

A math teacher ought to be president... To make America integrate again.

While there's a motherboard, why isn't there a fatherboard? Well I don't know, but I do know my professor recently installed a new blackboard, hopefully he'll use that to explain the answer.

What is a pedophile music teacher's favorite chord? A minor.

College is really tough and I'm failing nearly everything. So far the only test I've gotten a positive score on is the HIV one. I figured the professor who gave me the D would at least give me an A not a D+

Billy and Tommy are in a classroom Billy gets up to go ask the teacher a question, when he runs into Tommy along the way. Billy: What are you going up to ask? Tommy: I wanted to know what the word coincidence means. Billy: Wow that's funny, I was just about to go ask the same question.

I asked my chemistry teacher if we can revise oxides Because im a bit rusty

A wife finds a note from her husband on the fridge one morning... My dear wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongfully interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 19 year old secretary at the comfort inn hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight. *When the man ca…

After a long and distinguished career, my French teacher finally retired. Adios, amigo.

A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class... Her teacher asked her ""What's that?"" ""It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible."" She replied The teacher, an atheist, told her ""You know that didn't really happen."" She kept drawing ""When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."" ""What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished. The girl, still drawing ""Then you ask him""

In biology class my teacher asked ""What is most commonly found in cells?"" Apparently ""black people"" was not the right answer

I was sitting in calculus class, and the teacher asked us how we can ideally take the derivative of a logarithm... I said,"" I like my logarithms like my women, all natural"".

My brother told me this. Feels like it belongs here. A grammar teacher was lecturing his students on double negatives. He explains, ""In some languages, take English, for example, if you were to use double negatives, it is the equivalent of a positive. It isn't considered proper grammar for that reason."" A student raises his hand. ""Like in Algebra?"" ""Exactly. However, in other languages, like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. For those of you who are curious, there is no langua…

So my teacher asked why I was failing my loud music class... I told him the subject just wasn't my forte

A joke my physics teacher told us Student: ""Did you get a haircut?"" Teacher: ""No I got them all cut.""

The kids at middle school are studying WWII... ... and little Timmys grandpa, who was a fighter pilot in the war, is invited to class to tell about his experiences. He reminisces: ""Now, the worst situation I was ever in, was probably when I encountered a German air wing all by myself. I had one Fokker above me, one Fokker behind me and one Fokker off to my right, so I..."" The class begins to snicker uncontrollably so teacher steps in. ""Now, class, before you start getting ideas, Fokker was th…

What you need to attend Anatomy class This is the first class of Anatomy. A professor decided to teach basic things about anatomy. ""Class, there are two things you should have to attend this class."" ""First, you should be brave. Overcome fear."" Then, the professor put his finger in anus of a corpse. After that, he put his finger to his mouth and sucked. Students are shocked, but they really wanted to learn the anatomy, so they put their finger to anus of a corpse and sucked that finger. A stu…

Donald Trump Visits a School Donald Trump is visiting a elementary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word ""tragedy."" So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers: ""If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tr…

Mohammed goes to school.... The children were returning to class after playtime. The first child into class was Jack. ''Jack,'' said the teacher, ''what did you do this playtime?'' ''I was playing in the sandpit,'' replied Jack. ''How fun! If you can spell 'sand' on the board, you can have a cookie!'' Jack successfully spelled 'sand' on the board and was given a cookie. Sally was the next child into class. ''Sally,'' said the teacher, ''what did you do this playtime?'' ''I played in the sandpit,…

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: ""What is courage?"" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

My Sunday School teacher is so old... .. when the New Testament came out she said ""I don't care for the new curriculum.""

An awful teacher joke... Teacher: Where is your pencil, Ludlow? Ludlow: I ain't got none! Teacher: Ludlow! Where is your grammar? Ludlow: She's at her house in Cleveland. And she ain't got my pencil neither!

How can you tell you are in a math teacher's garden? All the trees have square roots.