Teacher Jokes

What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? The wheelchair (credit to my physics teacher's wife)

I was tucking my son in last night, and he tells me that his teacher is ""an idiot"" and she's ""out to get him."" Which is just the last thing you want to hear when your kid's home schooled.

which organ of the human body expands to 10 times Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: ""Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"" Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. ""Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"" Mary stands up, blushing furiously. ""How dare you ask such a question?"" she says. ""I'm going to complain to …

Which one is closer, Sun or Africa? Teacher: Which one is closer, Sun or Africa? Johnny: Sun Teacher: Why? Johnny: We can see the sun all the time, but can't see Africa.

Why should you never trust a one armed philosophy professor? He never mentions ""on the other hand""

Little Johnny vs the teacher A teacher asks her class, ""If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"" She calls on little Johnny. ""None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."" The teacher replies, ""The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."" Then Little Johnny says, ""I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The se…

A teacher receives a phone call shortly before the school day starts Caller: Mr. Brown, my son James will not come to school today because he is sick. Teacher: Who am I speaking to please? Caller: I am my father.

Definitions of Marketing What is MARKETING ? This is how a Professor explained Marketing Concepts to a class: 1. You see a Gorgeous Girl at a party. You go up to her and say: ""I am very rich. Marry me!"" - That's Direct Marketing. 2. You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a Gorgeous Girl. One of your friends goes upto her and pointing at you says: ""He's very rich. Marry him!"" - That's Advertising. 3. You are at a party and see a Gorgeous Girl. She walks up to you and says: ""You…

Once upon a time ... Once upon a time ..a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him ""you are driving me crazy Basheer""... One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career... The mother could not accept such a feed bac…

Little John fell in love with the teacher. Little John is sitting in his bench and he is fondly looking at the teacher. It got little uncomfortable for her that he doesn't stop watching her so she said to him: - John, why do you watch me all the time? - Well, I love you - spoke John. - But I do not love children - says his teacher. - It's okay, we'll be careful.

Did you hear about the nutty professor? He pursued a career in *m*acadamia!

A chicken is at home watching MTV... She's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The chicken says ""that looks amazing, I want to do that!"" The chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. ""Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar."" Says the chicken. ""Sure,"" says the man on the phone. ""Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."" ""There's just one problem,"" says the chicken. ""I'm a chicken."" ""Not to worry,"" the ma…

I'm Mexican and my teacher asked me to turn in my essay. But I ain't no snitch.

Another blonde joke A professor told his class: ""Fame will come to you only after you succeed!"" A blonde asked, ""Who is 'Seed'?""

Grandpa looks at his grandson and says, ""Go hide! Your teacher is here because you skipped school today."" The grandson says, ""No, you go hide. I told her you were dead!""

If you sit on your hands 15 minutes before filling in an exam, it feels like somebody else is disappointing for your teacher. Edit: grammar

Tyrone's First Day of School Tyrone's first day in the first grade he came home crying. When his mother asked why, he replied, ""The teacher told us to say our ABC's and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to the letter E. Why is that? His mom said, ""Because you black and they white."" The next day Tyrone was crying again. ""What's wrong today, Tyrone?"" his mother asked. Tyrone said, ""Teacher told us to count to 100 and all the little white boys did but I could only …

Three friends attending Duke were taking Chemistry, and were confident that going into the final they had a solid A. They were so confident that the weekend before the final they decided to go up to U Virginia and party with some friends up there. They had a great time, but were so hung-over that they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until late Monday morning. They rushed to their professor to give their excuses as to why they missed the final. They told him that they wen…

I asked my band teacher to raise my F He gave me an FF instead.

While sitting in class, Johnny had to go to the bathroom. After finding a stall and relieving himself, he is mortified for there is no toilet paper left. Having little other choice, he uses his hands. When he walked back to class he kept his hands cupped together. Because of this, Johnny received strange looks. One student finally came up to his desk and asked, ""Whatcha got in your hands?"" Johnny replied, ""I caught a leprechaun, but he's too shy I can't show you, he could run off."" The stude…

Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you, how could that happen? Me: We have the same teacher.

A teacher asked her class what their favorite letter was. A student raised his hand and said ""g"" Why is that Angus??

Engineering Class My teacher tells me there are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't...

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say ""I am beautiful"", which tense is it? Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99