Teacher Jokes

Something Interesting A 3rd grade teacher gave her class the assignment to find something interesting over spring break and tell the class about it next week. Spring break came and went and the teacher instructed the class, ""When I call your name I want you to come up to the front of the class and tell me something interesting you learned, heard, or found last week. Johnny, why don't you go first?"" Johnny went to the blackboard, drew a little dot, and turned around to face the class. After a s…

So my math teacher asked me to do an initial value problem... ...and I said, ""Y Naught?""

Definitely A kindergarten teacher was instructing her class on the meaning of the word ""definitely"". She began by asking the class to use it in a sentence, and she called out a boy in front first. ""Dogs are definitely bigger than cats,"" he said. The teacher shook her head. ""Lions and Tigers are cats too, and they are much bigger than dogs. Dogs are only bigger than cats sometimes."" Next, a little girl raised her hand. ""The sky is definitely blue."" she said. The teacher shook her head aga…

""This work simply does not deserve an A,"" my teacher said, berating me.

Ending a sentence with a preposition. A snobbish English teacher was sitting in an Atlanta airport coffee shop waiting for her flight back to Connecticut, when a friendly Southern Belle sat down next to her. ""Where y'all goin' to?"" asked the Southern Belle. Turning her nose in the air, the snob replied ""I don't answer people who end their sentences with prepositions."" The Southern Belle thought a moment, and tried again. ""Where y'all goin' to, BITCH?""

Manners In one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: ""Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"" Michael said, ""Just a minute I have to go pee."" The teacher responded by saying, ""That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it. ""Peter said, ""I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right bac…

Moral of the Story. A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories. In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, ""My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eg…

Little Johnny A new teacher was giving an assignment to her class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, ""What's so funny Pat?"" ""Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."" ""Get out of my classroom,"" she yells, ""I don't want to see you for three days."" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she re…

A teacher asks her students to use the word ""contagious"" in a sentence... Sally raises her hand. ""Yes, Sally?"" She answers, ""I was at the doctor's office with my mom, but she told me not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious."" ""Very good, Sally!"" the teacher said, ""Anyone else want to try?"" Jessie raises her hand. ""Yes, Jessie?"" She answers, ""My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He said yawning is contagious."" ""E…

The Math Professor Plumber A math professor has a problem with his plumbing, so he hires a plumber. He watches the plumber use a wrench to tighten a joint, then is handed a bill for a couple hundred dollars. ""I had no idea that plumbers made this much money!"" he said, ""I've been a math professor for 20 years and I can't claim to make this much per hour."" So the professor decides to become a plumber and for a while he's very happy. Then the licensing board decides that plumbers need to know m…

Neither legal, nor logical... A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind. Student: ""Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"" Professor: ""Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"" Student: ""OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it . If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll…

Pix and Misc - Teacher win [pic]

My teacher pointed at me with...... My teacher pointed at me with his ruler and said ""at the end of this ruler is and idiot!"" I got detention after I asked him which end he was referring to.

My science teacher taught us about gravity today. It was such a heavy subject to take...

What do my wife and my math teacher have in common? They both love to create problems that I am apparently supposed to solve.

A teacher is working on word problems with her students and asks, ""if there are 3 birds on a fence and you shoot one, how many are left?"" A boy raises his hand and says, ""zero. Because if you shoot one the other two fly away"" The teacher responds, ""no, there's two left but that's creative and I like the way you think."" After that the boy says ""ok, three women are sitting on a bench eating ice cream. One is biting it, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which woman is married?"" The …

A student walks up to their teacher. Student: ""Teacher, would you ever get mad at me for something I didn't do?"" Teacher: ""Of course not! why?"" Student: ""Because I didn't do my homework""

A student walks into class late... Teacher: ""Why are you late?"" Student: ""While I was coming, I saw a sign that said **School ahead. Slow down.**""

A professor has a leaky sink A math professor has a leaky sink, and calls a plumber to fix it. The plumber fixes the sink quickly, but discovers a few other problems which also need to be fixed. The plumber is done after about 2 hours, and gives the professor the bill. The professor realizes that the plumber gets paid much more than he does. Having watched the plumber fixing the pipes, he thought it didn't look to difficult and that becoming a plumber might earn more money than being a professor…

So there's a teacher.. One day the teacher decides to skip work & cut out his students eyes out for some reason. He puts the eyeballs in a bag & heads down the busy road until he got stopped by the police *Teacher - ""What's the problem, officer""* *Police - ""We're investigating a crime scene""* *Teacher - ""Is there any questions that you'd like to ask me?""* *Police - ""What's your alibi from 8 am - 12 pm?""* *Teacher - ""I was just chilling with my pupils.""* *Police - ""Oh, where ca…

My teacher yelled at me for saying ""black paint."" Apparently, in Spanish class we're supposed to say ""pintura negra.""

A teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word ""beautiful"" in the same sentence twice. One day, during grammar lessons, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word ""beautiful"" in the same sentence twice.   First, she called on Suzie, who responded with, ""My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."" ""Very good, Suzie,"" replied the teacher. She then called on John. ''My mommy planned a beautiful ba…

My Math teacher asked me if I have learnt about angles yeah, to a degree

Son: ""I got expelled"" Dad: ""How?"" Son: ""I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard."" Dad: ""That's pretty dumb but-"" Son: ""Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..."" Dad: ""Ok?"" Son: ""And rub 1 out.""

It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces to the class that they will learn to speak like grownups this year. To demonstrate, she asks the kids what they did this summer. The first child says, ""I went on a choo-choo train ride."" ""No,"" the teacher says, ""you went on a train ride."" The second child says ""I went on a tug-tug boat ride."" ""No,"" the teacher says, ""you went on a boat ride."" The third child says, full of pride, ""I read a book."" ""Which one?"" asks the teacher…